To Thy Own Self Be True

Sometimes we all lie to ourselves. We figure if we keep our heads down and our mouths shut that the things we deserve will come to us.  That if we follow the rules and do as we are told that Happiness will magically fall into our laps and our dreams and goals will become our reality.  This isn't the way life works.

Life is hard, it has up days and down days.  Sometimes you are enjoying the sunshine and flowers and the next you may be going through the storms and sitting in the dark because the power has been turned off or gone out.  But the most important thing you can do is to be honest with yourself first and foremost.

If you aren't happy at your job unless a miracle happens that aint gonna change.  If you are in a relationship that doesn't stimulate you and make you grow as a person then why are you wasting your time and your energy.  I am not saying that every job and every relationship doesn't have its dark times.  We all have those moments we would like to shove our bosses off the top of our building or superglue him to his chair so he will shut up and let us do our jobs. And those days that you dream of tying your spouse to the bed and putting a ball gag in his mouth so he just cannot ruin our mood. But all in all you have to weigh the pros and cons of any and all relationships to decide if this is where you truly need to be.

Does it make you happy?  That isn't a 24/7 but do the good days outweigh the bad.  Does it help us grow and evolve into the people we were born to be, or does it hold us back and keep us boxed in a tiny little container we will never escape from?  Do you feel as though you are making a difference. That might be in the lives of your children, your co-workers, the people you provide a service or product for, or even just you immediate family?  If you cannot honestly answer yes to at least 2 of these 3 questions you make want to take a harder look at your life and decide if you have outgrown your current circumstances and it might be time for a change.

You don't have to quit that job, you could start researching about switching departments or progressing up the food chain at work. You might try a different location or even a whole new job classification. In today's economy a good job is hard to find and one that pays you well but drives you to an early grave may or may not be a priority in your life.  I try to make up a list of pros and cons and why I am staying and what would change if I leave list.  This helps me see things clearer than just living in that moment.  If you find yourself struggling to get out of bed in the mornings because you hate your job that much, it may be time for a change.  If you like what you are doing but really hate your boss you may try to transfer to working under someone who doesn't sap your creative spirit as badly.  If you cannot transfer to another department then you might have to consider start shopping around for another location to work doing the same job but with the possibility of future growth.

I don't recommend job hopping, it looks bad on a resume and it also lets employers know you aren't in it for the long haul, but always ask during the interview process what chance of promotion, additional training, or growth is there in any job.  Even a fry cook can dream of being a kitchen manager.  It is far better to know these things going into a job and refuse the offer than to work somewhere for a few months discover they omitted to tell you that you were hiring into a dead end job that you would be making the same widgets for the rest of your life. Never learning a new skill, never growing into your potential, never knowing what untapped skills you may have just laying beneath the surface that an employer could utilize.

If it is a relationship, people grow and change at different rates.  Have you ever had a relationship that you were in for an extended period of time and after a while decided for whatever reason to get out of and then you meet that person in a local store, or on the street and realize they are the exact same person you left a decade earlier.  That had you stayed with them you never would have pursued those dreams and goals that have made you so happy and done those things that while being with them seemed so out of reach.

Sometimes we have to make changes in our lives to make our lives better. Not all relationships end because of violence, or cheating, or any other reason that people use to terminate a relationship. Sometimes they end simply because as a person you outgrew them.  Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged when both parties are willing to grow and learn together. Get your partner involved in following your bliss, ask them to tag along to a class, or an activity that interest you.  Ask them about the things they would like to try or experience.  We all have a bucket list.  A list of things we would like to do before we die. Your partners may just surprise you, it not only gives you a chance to grow as a person but it also gives you a chance to experience some things you may not have thought about on your own.  And you never know you might actually learn something about your partner you didn't already know.

If your partner says there is nothing wrong with your lives together and there is nothing new that they want to try you may want to take a long hard look at your relationship and see if perhaps it may be time for a change of scenery.  I am not a fan of divorce nor am I a fan of starting over in a new relationship. Dating sucks, having to find a way to meet people and do things with those you don't know or trust truly sucks. But sometimes it is the easier of the two evils when it comes to staying in a dead end relationship.

And I will give you a heads up, once you leave high school it gets very difficult to meet new people, unless you are like me and talk to trees.  I will talk to anyone anytime for any reason, and have been accused of talking to trees if they will stand still long enough. But a common complaint amongst my single friends are, "Where do you Meet People?".  I meet them everywhere. While I am pumping my gas I talk the person across the island from me.  When I am standing in line I talk to the people both in front and in back of me.  When I am waiting in a doctors office, a mechanic shop, or a dentist office I talk to others who are sitting and waiting with me. You just never know when you might meet that person who will change your life for the better. Well that and the fact that I work from home, most of my conversations are with dogs (And yes some days they answer back).  And I crave human interaction with those who may bring new ideas and new thoughts to the table.

I thrive on diversity, I love learning about new cultures and always welcome new and challenging ideas, but that is just me. That is why I try hard to encourage feedback from my readers.  I love reading comments even negative ones as long as it starts a a dialog with others.  As long as the comments are respectful and a sharing of an opinion I am good with it. Now if you start slamming someone or saying you are so full of crap I will delete your comment and ignore all from that point on.  Sometimes on my facebook I even delete folks who are rude or insensitive to others.  My facebook wall my rules respect always even if you don't agree.

But I think there is entirely to much violence and disrespect in the world.  I think as a society we are losing our ability to communicate in a civilized manner with those we don't know or don't see on a daily basis or who have a different view on the world, and most don't realize that every word you put on the internet regardless of the setting can and will be found by someone who is making a judgement call regarding your ability to do a job, handle a financial loan, or even applying for college. Keep your words soft and sweet because you never know when you may have to eat them. Is a favorite expression of my husbands.  He knows that words can cause as much damage as physical blows and at times silence is the best policy, at least in our household.

You need to take a long hard look at every aspect of your life if you are going to follow your bliss.  You cannot spend 5 minutes a day being happy if the rest of your life is in the crapper. That other 23 hours and 55 minutes will outweigh that 5 minutes and make it appear mute in the bigger scheme of things.  Taking steps to discover yourself is great, but if all you are going to do is research it and not do anything with it, why waste your time. Roll back over and continue your life as a sleepwalker, you are not ready for the changes it will require to find your own personal bliss.

You don't have to take major steps every day. One little thing can often times turn into a new journey.  Sometimes it is the journey of self exploration that helps you discover the path you are meant to be on. Sometimes it is learning to give to yourself the way you give to others that helps you realize what is wrong with your life and how to fix it.  Sometimes it is just realizing you have been sleepwalking through life and merely existing that makes you realize you have already lost 10, 20 sometimes 30 years of your life doing the bidding of others and you wake up one morning and realize that you are no longer a spring chicken and you have nothing to show for all those years of playing by the rules and being what others expect you to be.

I think this often happens to people in their 40's and 50's. I think that is why it is called a mid life crisis.  You wake up one morning while sipping your coffee and realize that several decades have gone by and you only have a few more left in the work force and suddenly you begin to question am I really happy or I merely existing.  I know in my 20's I was so busy trying to fit in and do what was expected of me I didn't have time to worry about if I was happy.  When I hit my 30's I discovered a new sense of confidence I hadn't know when I was younger and suddenly I realized that time was passing and I wasn't really happy. Yes I had moments, and some great memories but happiness was an ideal I just didn't understand. When I hit my 40's things started to click.  I realized that soon my kids would be gone and I would on my own for the first time in my adult life. I had no one to blame for being miserable other than my own life choices and my own decisions.

I began to dread the whole empty nest syndrome that so many women experience when major life changes occur.  Children grow up and move on with their lives spouses leave or die and suddenly you find yourself with to many hours in the day and not enough to fill them.  Many women turn to charity work as I did. Finding some happiness in helping others. But that is a short lived happiness because when doing charity there are 100 sad stories for every 1 happy ending. There are so many you cannot help and so many who are beyond your help, and some who just refuse to help themselves.  So you cannot find your peace and happiness in that alone.

Now I do find great joy in the work I do.  I find those happy moments that keep me motivated and those breakthroughs that to others may seem mundane or to little to count. But to me every single one of them is a small miracle and a confirmation that I am on the right path. Every time something happens I celebrate it, it may not be a huge party with 100 of my closest friends but I might splurg and buy myself a cup of my favorite coffee, or a little trinket I have been putting off for a special occasion, or even just a pat on my own back for recognition of a job well done.  That keeps me going during those dark days when I question why I am doing this.

But I want more. I am no longer satisfied just helping others, I want to help myself.  I want to find that long lasting happiness that can only come from a life well lived. I want to be able to go to my grave and know that I lived life to the fullest, not just in sporadic moments.  I want to be able to know that I took that walk on the wild side and did something so totally out of character for me that those around me wondered if I had lost my mind. Just because I can.

I don't want to be defined by my job title or my life title (life title: mother, daughter, sister, friend, rescue worker, etc...).  I want to be me, the most honest me I can be.  I want to be happy not just in my job but also in my life. I want to follow my dreams and my goals and see how far I can travel down those roads.

I love writing, that is why I am doing this blog. And why I have done several blogs over the years ranging in subject matter of dog training, advice from the Crone (Creative Researcher of New Experiences) and even matters of the heart and bedroom.  I have not continued on any of those because that was not my bliss.  It was fun but after a while it became more of a chore than a joy to do.

Sometimes you just have to have a sit down with yourself and if something is no longer working adjust it, recycle it, or walk away from it. I think it makes those in my life a little nervous that I have the capability of doing that because I do walk away from things that don't make me happy and I do not look back and wonder if I made the right choice.  I made the right choice for me at the time and 2 years from now I may be a completely different person and that situation may be perfect for me, but if at the time it didn't work and it didn't make me happy, and I couldn't adjust it to make me happy then it was time to leave it. And if 2 years from now it makes me happy I may revisit it  but things are never the same the second time around. People change, circumstances change, and we change.  So be warned, although I try hard not to burn my bridges I do know that what I am leaving behind will never ever be the exact same with someone else or at somewhere else.  You cannot love two people the exact same way, that is the wonderful thing about love and happiness, it is every evolving and ever changing.

So to thy own self be True.  Never allow the moment to define or change you.  Before making any life altering life choices take a long hard look at the situation. Once gone it can never be reclaimed.  Once changed you will never have the same mind set or the same outlook no matter how hard you may try to get back to where you were. You can only move forward and hope for the best.  I try hard to prepare for the worst, hope for the best and accept what comes with dignity and respect.  But that is just me.

I hope my blog today gave you all some food for thought. I know many of you are sitting there going, she is nuts and has no idea what she is talking about. That is fine too.  Different strokes for different folks.  What may work for me may not work for you and I don't expect it to. But this is my way of remembering my journey and the gamete of emotions I went through during it. It is my way of looking back and going Oh so that is why I made that life altering choice. Or WTH was I thinking moments are lessened.

Until Tomorrow blog buddies, Stay safe, stay sane, and be happy.

I find a lot of inspiration in music.  When I am blue it can lift my spirits, when I am angry it can help me exercise my inner demons. It can motivate me to try harder and be stronger and to be who I was born to be.  Love Mary J. Blige many of her songs touch my heart in ways that other artist haven't or cannot.