Minor setbacks and Major accomplishments

Sometimes live gives you lemons.  What you do with those lemons is really up to you.  You can wallow in self pity and say "Woe is me" or you can pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move forward with your dreams and goals.  I never promised you a rose garden but I did promise you that if you take the time to follow your bliss your life will be a life well lived.

I have been wallowing in self pity.  It seamed that everywhere I looked all I saw was failure.  I was unhappy with the way my education was going, I was unhappy with how my finances were going. I couldn't afford the photo equipment I wanted and to be completely honest some times I just felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall.

First one thing and then another pushed me back first a step then two until I came to the realization that the only thing that was holding me back was me. I was allowing these minor setbacks to dictate how I would feel and how I would live my life.  So I did what I always tell others to do when all else fails, try something different.

First my funding for my education has been revamped and it looks like I won't be graduating when I planned.  But is that stopping me no.  I refuse to allow something as minor as funds stop me from becoming what I am destined to be.  So I picked myself up dusted myself off and said OK the traditional way of doing this isn't going to work for me what else can I do to get where I want to be. 

I contacted my school and discussed testing out of some of my classes with them. It is not only doable it is cheaper than the credit hours I need to finish my degree.  I also learned I can continue my education independently.  I can take classes at my local community college and apply those credit hours as I can afford them to my long term goal of having my masters degree in accounting.

I learned that some colleges will even let you write essays and papers regarding your life experiences in order to skip classes and qualify for what is commonly called amongst the secondary schools as life credits.  That was a huge relief off my shoulders.

Now for my photography.  Well money is tight, I have some previous medical bills, my darling husband is getting ready to go under the knife and unfortunately our insurance doesn't cover 100% of our medical expenses.  Yet another set back at least financially, so I came up with alternative ways to earn the equipment I want to invest in photo equipment and creative ways to earn some extra cash not only to help pay for our increasing medical bills but to also help carve the path I choose to follow for my bliss which includes photography.  I also discovered a lot of the fancy equipment can be made out things as simple as a car window reflector instead of a light bouncing board, and something as simple as a sheet mounted to the ceiling with thumb tacks works great as a simple backdrop for doing portraits.

In the meantime though I am doing freelance writing and that is going to pay for those wonderful toys that I day dream about, and that cannot be made at home from simple materials.  I have already paid for a macro tube and a remote trigger for my camera using the credits I earned doing reviews of products I use and liked.

I also learned I can sell my photos online and make a little mad money.  It isn't instant cash but it is a doable source of income for my creative outlet and it gives me a chance to share some of my photos with the world at large. I am no longer content to simply share my photos on facebook and other networking sites. I want to sell my art work to those who may lack the imagination or ability to do their own.

I guess what I am trying to get at in this blog is if you want something bad enough regardless what mountains may stand in your way use your brain to figure out how to make it happen.  Don't give up just because it isn't easy. Nothing in life worth having is simple or easy. Things don't come to those who dream about them, they come to those who get out there bust their butts and make it happen.  Don't wait for destiny to come to you. Go out grab her by the ears and say "listen here, this is going to happen you can either help or get out of my way, because either way its going to happen". 

I have wallowed in self pity long enough. I have pissed and moaned about how sucky my life is right now and you know what I am over it.  I am tired of being a victim of circumstance. I am tired of things I have no control over ruling my world.  I am tired of being sad and depressed and beaten down by the life I have been given. It is time for me to stand up and say "My Turn". 

Regardless what mountains or speedbumps may lie in my path, I am going to do what makes me happy.  If those in my life cannot get on board then they can be left in my wake.  I am not hurting anyone with my bliss I am not taking valuable time away from things that need doing.  I am simply making the investment in my own happiness to chase my own dreams and live my own life.  It aint perfect and I really didn't expect it to be.  But I am keeping it real and that is the whole purpose for this blog.

Sharing my ups and downs and hopefully inspiring others to chase those dreams they dare to dream.  The world is filled with a wide variety of people. We all have gifts and talents that we are born with, and if your talents take you on a path you might not have envisioned for yourself all the better.  Stepping outside your comfort zone is good for you. It helps build character and it helps you discover who you truly are.

So if I have to impart a single piece of advise to you at this junction, it would be this.  Be who you truly are.  Not who you think you should be, not who you family and friends want you to, but who you truly are. Those who truly love you will accept who you are and those who don't well you don't need that kind of negative energy in your life anyway.

Until next time blog buddies, stay safe, stay sane, and be happy.

When I first took this shot I didn't post it or share it because to me it wasn't good enough but the longer this sat in my photo folder and I saw it every time I scrolled through to look at new shots I thought to myself, it is a very simple shot but it isn't spectacular.  Sometimes things in life aren't going to be spectacular. Sometimes simple things can bring you the most joy because they aren't complicated or high tech. Sometimes we have to say to ourselves it isn't good enough by who's standards?  I think this is a beautiful shot. It is Mother Nature at her finest. It isn't an exotic flower or an incredible rose but it is still beautiful in its simplicity.  It is what life is all about. Thriving where you are planted and learning to overcome what may prevent you from thriving. It is the nature of the beast, it is life in its simplest form.  Have you ever tried to kill a weed?  You pluck it and you poison it and you mow it down. Some people even try burning them out and yet they keep coming back.  Be like that weed, no matter what gets thrown at you remember if a simple life form such as a weed can come back from everything life throws at it, why can't you?

Getting creative in following your bliss

Sometimes the things you want don't come easily. Sometimes you have to wait or work or even at times settle for just a tiny bit short of what you may have originally wanted.  Sometimes you have budget, do without something else or even come to realization that although you really want something it just isn't the right time or you aren't in the right place to make that happen right this second.

Should you give up on following your bliss, NEVER.  I have been wanting a macro lens for my new camera but the price tag has given me nightmares. Almost as much as I spent for my camera body itself.  I have several macro filters which give me much closer shots but is like reaching for that brass ring only to feel it slip through your fingers.  I can take some pretty awesome shots with the filters I spent 16 dollars on but every time I look at one of my shots I think to myself that could be so much better if I have a macro lens instead of just macro filters. 

I have tried stacking them (screwing multiples together via the threads on the end).  I have tried playing with the settings on my camera to adjust lighting and film speed and yes even worst case scenario playing around in my digital darkroom.  But I feel that my efforts are falling just a tiny bit short of what I really want.

Am I giving up NO.  Am I going to wait and save and eventually purchase the lens I want, maybe.  I have been doing some research regarding what exactly is a macro lens. Watching videos, reading articles. I did find a fascinating on on how to create a macro lens for a point and shoot with a magnifying class but nothing quiet fit what I wanted and the picture quality I wanted to capture.

Although I take great pride in the photos I have taken and some have been rather amazing especially for someone who just very recently picked up a DSLR for the first time. I am always keeping my eye towards the future. Doing research and asking those in the know in order to further my knowledge and hopefully figure out exactly what would work for the lowest price, therefor enabling me to grow and hopefully improve as a photographer.

In the meantime I have become very proficient in the digital darkroom.  Learning just how far I can push my photographs to get exactly what I want and what is fabulous composition instead of just ok shots.  I have also learned that I can digitally enhance photographs to set the scene and tell a story even without the high tech toys I long for.

I have learned that every shot isn't going to breathtaking or even in focus and learning to live within my current restriction.  I have learned that composition is everything in photography. You may get an amazing shot but if the background blends or the camera decides at the last moment to switch to a different subject you may just be wasting your time.

I have also learned that it takes roughly 100 shots before you will finally get that shot you are going after. Partially due to shadows and lighting, and partially due to struggling with subject matter. That lighter colors and darker colors are the absolute hardest to capture on film because the camera doesn't see life the same way the human eye does. I have learned about fill lighting to help bring definition to darker subject and learned about bouncing lights using white poster board or reflective car window shields.  I have also learned that off everything I do in my daily life that 30 minutes I carve out to actually fire my camera is on some days the absolute best 30 minutes of my day.

It gives me something to look forward to, a treat for myself if you will for doing all those things I know I have to do but so don't want to do, like washing dishes, or making the bed.  I have also learned that my passion is a journey unto itself. One I never would have gone on if I hadn't been willing to work for what I wanted and wait until the Universe decided I deserved it.

You may be asking yourself why am I rambling about macro photography and what pertinent information it has in following your bliss.  The answer to that is this. Sometimes you may want something will all your heart. You may daydream of finally having that one thing that you truly believe will make you happy.  You may plan and scheme and talk about that one thing that you really believe will give you happiness. But if you concentrate on only that and not the journey itself you are cheating yourself of the experience of growth. The possibility of learning something along the way.

You may be ignoring the life lessons you were meant to learn in order to prepare yourself for that wonderful moment when the thing you dream about is actually in your hands.  You may even miss out on some very amazing moments that because you were so focused you forgot to look around and notice the little things that life has to offer you in order to help you grow into the person you were born to be.  I am unsure who said it but I do know it is true.  Life isn't about the moments between breaths.  It is the moments that take your breath away.

So I hope my rambling today has helping someone who may be struggling with following their bliss or someone who is considering following their bliss.  Finding your bliss and having your bliss isn't the main goal of this journey. Experiencing new things and putting yourself in a learning frame of mind is. Following your bliss is about not only finding what makes you happy and making it a reality.  It is about learning more about yourself and your world at large.  It is about enjoying the journey and not focusing so much on the end goal.  It is about opening yourself up to new possibilities and the fact that perhaps that end goal isn't all it is cracked up to be or that perhaps the Universe or your higher power has something different in mind for you.

Following your bliss is about all the scrapped knees and busted elbows along the way. It is about all the amazing people you will meet on your journey and all the amazing things you will see.  You don't have to travel the world to experience new things. Yeah travel is awesome and getting the see the world would rock but sometimes you bliss can be found as close as you own back yard.  It just takes viewing the world with a new perspective and allowing it to come to you when it is ready.

You cannot force something to occur just because you want it, sometimes you have to work really hard to get where you want to be.  Sometimes you have to learn to accept failure before you can experience success. And those failures can teach you so much more than success ever will.

I hope my blog today has given some of my readers food for thought. Sometimes you just gotta improvise and learn to do what you can do when you can do it and how you can do it in order to get where you want to be eventually.  Life is a learning process.  It is about loving those closest to us, appreciating the blessing we all have in our lives, even if sometimes those blessings are hard to recognize and most of all enjoying the ride.

Until next time blog buddies, stay safe, stay sane, and be happy.

Some of the amazing shots I am getting as close as my own back yard. Sometimes people will search the ends of the world trying to find what they had all along. Sometimes people will falsely believe that it takes all the money in the world to make them happy. The reality is this. Happiness is a state of mind. It isn't a goal or a journey, it is about knowing that what you are looking for is as close as right where you are. Make the most out of life. Learn to take great joys in those special moments that make life worth living.  At the end folks, life is about what we did in the time we were given, not what we did in the time we never got.

If you would like to follow where my journey is taking me between the bogs I invite you to check out my photography site on facebook. It is a chance to see exactly what I am up to and exactly what I am learning along the way. It isn't just about photos it is also about life and the magical roller coaster we all experience from day to day living it.

My photography page on Facebook

Following your bliss and the fallout from those actions

I learned something about myself today, or yesterday I should say.  But most of last night was a fog, thanks to a couple of glasses of my homemade wine.  I learned that when life hands you lemons if you don't have sugar in your pantry it is really hard to make lemonaid.  I got into a huge fight with a family member last night. We both had different perspectives on how I was living my life and some of the life choices I am making.  I was told that my bliss was interfering with their happiness.  That because of the things I am passionate about I have become indifferent to things they felt should have a priority in my life.  I tried to explain it to them from my perspective but the conversation just continued to escalate until she terminated the conversation by hanging up on me.

Now I may be wrong about this, but the last time I checked I was an adult of consenting age and my father was gone so although I lacked a parent I also don't require a supervisor or approval of my actions from someone else. Now it would be nice to be in agreement with someone else at all times, but life isn't going to let that happen. We each remember things in our own way and we each choose the paths that we choose.  I was told that all I wanted to talk about were my blisses.  Now the way I remember it was I have been attentive and supportive.  I have put things that are important to me on a back burner to listen and be there for this family member but they felt the need to attack me. Accusing me of being insensitive and uncaring for their feelings.

Perhaps I am a tad bit crankier of late and a little less considerate of others, but I have also given up smoking 3 weeks as of tomorrow and the way I see this is they should be far more understanding of my lack of ability to be a nice person while I am going through withdrawal from nicotine.  But according to her this has been an on going event in our shared lives.  She forgets that at one point she made mention of taking her family and relocating far away from her "home" and that might possibly make me a tad bit more over protective of my emotions.

Now you may be asking yourself why am I sharing all of this in my blog. The reason being is that since I didn't get to state my reasoning for my actions or lack of actions I felt these needed to be shared if not with her then with you my readers.  Sometimes following your bliss can cause stress and turmoil in your day to day lives. Sometimes those who cannot or will not follow their own will strike out at you because they feel the time you should be giving to them you are giving to other things. And that perhaps your priorities have shifted.

I can honestly say that this has been a very interesting journey of late.  I am learning more and more about what makes me happy and what I need to do to eliminate certain stresses from my life. If that makes me a selfish egotistical person then so be it.  But I refuse to continue on as a doormat for those in my life who feel they have a right to dictate how I will live my life. Be that by avoiding those who cause me stress or simply finding ways to fill the void left by those who would choose to leave it.

I don't like being a heartless person, I really don't.  I am a passionate loving person who only wants to be happy.  I don't go out of my way to create chaos or unhappiness for others.  I try really hard to be a good person and do the right thing. Often at times at the cost of my own happiness in the transaction. But as of late I have felt the need to no longer stay silent and allow others to rule my life. Be that family or friend, professor or classmate.  We all have things that we have to face in our day to day lives that we really don't feel like or want to do. But many things in life we do have a choice in. how we spend our time is amongst those things.

I may lack people skills or the ability to say what I am trying to get across but I also know that her version of the story was not entirely accurate. I have asked others with memories of the mentioned events and they agreed with my take on the whole issue.  Some days I think people create chaos where there is none.  I have tried hard to look at it from her perspective, I really have.  I have weighed the things going on in her life that I have been made aware of and tried to excuse her bad behavior for stressful circumstance. But I am not the first person in our family she has treated rudely nor sadly will I be the last.

I don't know maybe at some point you have to weigh the pros and cons of allowing people access to your personal life and whether they bring joy or frustration with their presence. Perhaps I just need to walk away for a while and let her sort some things out.  Sometimes in the past when I have had major falling out with people or changes in our life paths I have had to take time to just give it some time and a lot of space and things have a way of either correcting themselves and sometimes you just decide that the stress that accompanies that persons presence in your life just isn't worth the unhappiness it brings.  I have had that happen as well and is why I don't speak with many members of my family now.

I really miss my Dad and am unsure what he would advice regarding this matter. She was way over the line in many of the things she said but at the same time he had a hard rule about family. Even though from time to time he too took time away to cool his jets and think things through.  I love my family, or at least most of my family. Some of them are truly dirty rotten scoundrels but that is a story for another day.  But sometimes those closest to us are the ones that can cause the most damage.  They say things that are best left unsaid feeling that because they are family they have a right to.  No one has a right to say things to another person that are hurtful unless those things truly need to come to light.  Sometimes keeping your opinion to yourself is the wisest move because with time everything looks different.

I just don't know and since the passing of my Dad I really don't have an older wiser voice to advise me.  For some odd reason I have very few people in my life that I trust enough to actually listen to.  I have been ill advised in the past by those who may lack the experiences I have had or the time on this planet I have survived.  I am really sorry for the depressing blog today but wanted to give others some food for thought. Be wary of hurting those closest to you. For tomorrow is not guaranteed.  If something were to happen to either of us the survivor would bear the memories of wasting those few remaining moments in anger.

With that I close my blog for today.  Am going to work on my photography and try to get some things worked out in my head regarding where I go from here.  Life has definitely been interesting since Dad passed.  And many times I have needed his sound advice and his loving shoulder.  Right now is truly one of those days.

Until next time blog buddies, stay safe, stay sane and be happy.

 

 

Trying to loose myself in the things that make me happy. Took this shot today may not be the most exciting shot of my photography passion but love how the water literally stops in midair.  Am learning all I can about my camera ranging from how to do lunar shots to fire shots and how to do water shots for different effects. These day I take my happiness where I can find it.

 

 

 

To follow my photography on Facebook

 

 

When your bliss takes you to new places

Today has been a very up and down day.  A friends father died a few weeks ago and today the family asked me to do video and photographs of his memorial service. That was very sad but at the same time I was honored that they asked me to record this moment in their lives.  I did my absolute best with my new camera and even with a few glitches to the process think the end result turned out really well.  I put a lot of time and energy and effort into making this very sad event something they could look back on and hopefully remember with some degree of happiness.

Part 1 of his memorial service
Part 2 of his memorial service
Part 3 of his memorial service

They got to see a lot of family from far away and I learned a little something about myself in the process.  I also got to play with my new video and photography software and master some new skills.  This week I have had off from class and have tried to use my time wisely. 

I have been working in my growing garden, even after several setbacks due to the odd weather we are having this spring in TN.  I have lost many of my plants and had to replant due to unseasonably late frost in our area.  We had a tornado sweep through our area yesterday but I am happy to report my new greenhouse actually was left undamaged by the high winds.

I have done my first lunar shots in the last week and learned even more about photography first hand.  I think they turned out pretty well for a novice with basic equipment. But am already daydreaming of more powerful lenses and better shots in my future.  I have entered my first photo contest and lost and entered my second with high hopes.  At this point I am only doing this for personal satisfaction and my own bliss.  But am finding myself intrigued by the whole DSLR camera and all the bells and whistles that go with it.

My second attempt at a photo contest 

Please stop by and like your favorite in this competition, this link will take you to the photo of my read headed canine companion.

I am learning how to do videography, which I really didn't anticipate and am also getting better and better shots. Now I look at my old photos and go really, I shared that publicly.  I think the better camera and better pictures has made me more judgmental of my past skills.  But at least I know I am improving and learning along the way.

I have not only created a website for my photography but also a facebook fan site.
Jennifer Akes Photography on Facebook
Jennifer Akes Photography website

And I have even shared some of my photos on the Pintrest site
Jennifer Akes on Pinterest

I feel like this passion is beginning to help the pieces fall together.  Because I am no longer focusing on what is wrong in my life I have found other aspects of my life beginning to fall into place.  I spoke with someone regarding a job once my bachelors degree is completed, and have a renewed sense of hope regarding my funding.  I have also begun a cooperative in our area for those who are interested in sharing their surplus or possibly making some additional funds for their household selling their organically raised and humanely harvested foods.

It has been a very busy week but as the weekend slowly comes to a close I am thankful for all the blessings it has brought into my life.  I am sad at the loss of a wonderful man but glad that my photos and my videos could bring them some joy in their time of sadness.  I am overjoyed at my growing confidence in these new arenas and wonder what lies ahead.

I know that as each new challenge shows itself in my life I will once again rise to the challenge and hopefully not only learn more about myself but also about my own happiness through them.  I am loving my life more and more with each passing cycle of the planet and learning and relearning some important life lessons.

I am even making time in my already crazy busy schedule to escape for a few hours and just spend time with friends. Something I haven't done in a great while but have managed to do twice in the last two weeks.

For those who say following your bliss is a waste of time, I say it is what your time is all about.  We all work hard at jobs that perhaps we wish we didn't have to do. Be that laundry or something you get a paycheck for. My bliss is what keeps my sanity intact and my balance in this world secure. It is something that I can look forward to and hopefully eventually make a larger aspect of my life.

I am growing and evolving into the person I was born to be.  With each new skill and each success I am gaining confidence and I am gaining knowledge.  The knowledge I am gaining may not seam like much to an outsider but to me it is the world.

I hope my words today and my experiences have inspired others to follow their own bliss.  Nothing is impossible if you want it bad enough. Sometimes you just have to decide what is really important to you.  You have to set a goal, figure out what you need to do to make it happen and keep on charging that wind mill until you either reach that goal or beat back those dragons in your head that are telling you that you cannot do it.  Either way enjoy the ride.  Life is way to short to be miserable.

Until next time blog buddies.  Stay safe, stay sane and be happy.

Releasing your past and embrassing your future

I promised myself to write when there were major changes in my life either physical or emotional.  Today I am going through a major emotional change.  I am learning to let go.  To make room in my life for good things by releasing something that no longer works or makes me happy.  This year is all about growth, about becoming the person I was born to be.

It is a year of growth and new beginnings.  I realized that I have entirely to much emotional attachment to a few material things in my life that although they no longer serve any purpose in my day to day existence they are preventing me from growing and changing because I am still existing in the past through their presence in my life.

I know that some emotional attachment is good, it binds us to the real world and reminds us why we struggle from day to day just to keep a roof over our head and clothes on our back.  But an unrealistic and unhealthy attachment to material possessions can also bind you to a world that no longer exist in your here and now.

Many times we get to attached to things that remind us of a simpler time or happier times with those we love. A favorite shirt or a pair of comfortable shoes.  Using that item to keep those memories alive in our hearts and minds. When it reality those memories would exist even if that material presence was gone.  We should embrace the people we love, not the things that keep those memories foremost in my minds.

As I sat a few days ago going through some old photos I relived those happy memories.  Regretting the loss of many of my photos when my hard drive crashed 2 years ago but also realizing that although those pictures are lost to me, I will always have those memories.  Nothing can take those away memory short of death or memory loss.

My dad always said the part about growing older he never fully understood until he began the process our bodies shut down slowly. First our eyesight isn't what it once was, then our hearing begins to slip and then our memories begin to fade.  He always felt the loss of memories was the greatest loss of all of his possessions. Perhaps that is why I journal so much. So no matter what I can read what I was facing and how I dealt with it.

So today I am facing a demon I have run from in the past in order to make room in my life for the things that will bring me joy and releasing those things that no longer do. Sometimes material things can become a weight around our neck weighing us down and preventing us from growing and changing.  Allowing those things to prevent our growth as people only serves as a disservice to ourselves and those we love. Change isn't easy but is a necessary evil for growth.

So embrace the pain that may come with change. Allow it flow through you and change you. Learn from it and move forward. Don't allow your heart to become so hardened that nothing bothers you or affects you.  But do not dwell in that dark place. Do not allow the pain to make you unfeeling to others or yourself.  What we cannot go around we must go through in order to evolve.

For many years my image of myself has been a phoenix.  From the ashes of its own destruction comes the new bird, ready for flight and ready to live another 1,000 years in glory.  It is often from the ashes of our current life we discover our own future and the path we are born to be upon.  Instead of dwelling in the failures of your life, you should look to the horizon and the better tomorrow just around the corner. 

So today my blog is about growth, changes in our lives that we must make in order to evolve into that phoenix.  Beautiful and renewed and ready to face whatever challenges that may come.  Instead of limiting ourselves to our past, we need to be prepared to do what must be done. To cut ties that bind and to ready our hearts and minds for the bliss that a life well lived promises us. 

Be good to yourself and do not make any changes until you are ready emotionally and mentally for.  Take your time and be patient with yourself but also do not limit your future by the presence of your past.  Learn from your past mistakes and hopefully become a more well rounded and loving person for the life lessons you have faced and survived.  What doesn't kill you will make  you stronger and wiser.

Until next time blog buddies, be safe, stay sane, and follow your bliss.

An interesting article about the phoenix and rising from the ashes of your current existance in order to follow a more harmonious existance. 

http://aflourishinglife.com/2011/01/coping-with-challenging-life-circumstances/

Blissful journeys of self discovery

I have been trying to balance my extremely busy educational life with my family life and my work life along with following my bliss.  At times I often feel as though one or the other is suffering from having to share so much of my attention and so little of my time. I am still learning to balance out what I can do, and what I want to do, and what is actually going to get done.

I am staying current in my class but I often find myself having to stay up late or get up earlier in order to get my assignments completed and turned in before my deadlines.  I do what I can as I can taking time off from work as needed but then feel this overwhelming guilt that I am not getting as much accomplished as I would like to due to my time constraints.

It is spring finally in Tennessee.  Which means I am running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to make sure all the plants I have cared for and watched over during the winter months have what they need and are getting the nutrients and water they need to survive and thrive, which is rather stressful but a necessary evil for raising your own plants. Although the weather has finally broken and I can finally get them into their containers and allow Mother Nature to start helping out.  She can at least water them and by providing the best soil possible they can feed themselves and grow into the plants I have dreamed of.

My house is not getting cleaned as often as I would like but only because on my list of priorities it ranks rather low.  I get it done just not every week and often times when I am expecting company or the dog hair and dander start to cause me health issues.  But this is not something I am stressing over or something that I am losing sleep over.  I have always felt a tidy home is a sign of a lack of interest.  No offense to those who are obsessed with keeping a spotless home, but since mine serves many purposes and I live with a man who dusting is a dirty word.  (In other words I don't enter his man zone area) I often feel like I am trying to wash my car in the rain.

I am playing with my new camera and digital darkroom every chance I get, often making small breaks in my day to capture a beautiful butterfly on film or just taking shots of my amazing surroundings to capture that particular sunny day or incredible site.  I am also learning about all the different ways to utilize my gadget and mastering the art of digital darkroom usage. 

I am also working towards my accreditation with my collegian honor society.  In hopes of furthering my goals of becoming a well employed bookkeeping or accounting professional.  Working towards cleaning up my online presence as well as creating my professional portfolio and updating my networking skills in order to have a foot in the door with the right folks after graduation.  It is a very busy year in my life and one that is going by way to fast.

I have created a website for my photography.  I am enjoying it so much I don't want to miss a single opportunity to grow and learn and hopefully take additional photos to add to my growing collection.  I have had a lot of positive feedback for the photos I have shared and look forward to more recognition for this hobby that brings me so much joy. If you would like to check out my new website for it I will post a link in this blog.

My New Photography Portfolio

Today I watched an incredible speaker with my Honor society, it was by Peter Bregman he is the author of a book entitled 18 minute Find your Focus it is about doing what you are passionate about and following your bliss in business. How many of us get bogged down in the details of living and forget how to live.  How we need to prioritize what is truly important to us so those things get done and if we are going against the grain we will never succeed.

So many things in my life right now are pointing me in a new direction with my life.  I really thought when I began this journey that I had it all pretty much figured out.  Little did I realize that sometimes about the time you think you have found your niche something happens that shakes your world to the core and makes you take a long hard look at what you really want or what would truly make you happy.

I am unsure if this has happened because I am for the first time in my life actually stopping and taking the time to examine my own happiness and what I need to do in order to find my bliss. Or if this is happening because I opened the door to my bliss and decided that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Since my fathers death I have been making some pretty major changes in my life that have been snowballing.  First it was eliminating commercial skin products from  my life. Figured I would start small and go from there. Then it was the food we were eating and the things we were putting into our bodies.

I lost my dad to a rare form of cancer and my eyes were opened to the fact that toxins are all around us but most people either don't want to see or refuse to acknowledge their presence.  And now I am taking the huge leap to stop smoking. That has been a long time battle for me and they say you don't truly stop until you are ready to make the change. I am ready to make the change.  I am getting wiser and healthier with each passing day.

No I am not going to turn this blog into a statement about how our foods are killing our nation. This blog is about my bliss and how my live is evolving into what I really want out of life.  I was simply bringing you up to speed on how things are progressing and the changes being made in my real life. 

I am writing this blog not only to share my journey with others but also to keep a record of my journey for looking back at later.  To better gauge how I was successful and where I failed in my attempts to create the life I want to live.  I am finding myself reading more these days, on a very wide variety of subjects I never would have thought about reading before as well as revisiting many of my old favorites.

I am also learning about my own limitations and strengths.  I am learning ways to overcome what I see as my weaknesses and how to encourage my strengths to compensate for those weaknesses.  It has been an interesting journey to say the least and I can honestly say I am the better for having begun it.

I am not really sure where this blog was headed, I just felt the need to do some writing. Maybe the rainy weather has made me want to escape into my mind since I cannot escape into my garden and yard.  I am unsure but hopefully reading about my journey and the progress and rather unexpected turns and twist it is taking will encourage others to begin their own. You never know where a path will lead until you begin to follow it.  Pursing my own personal bliss has left me feeling a little bit overwhelmed from time to time but at the same time I am filled with a renewed sense of hope and happiness.  It has given me an outlet for my creative nature while helping me keep my feet firmly planted in Mother Earth.  It has given me a chance to grow and stretch and try my wings in a wide variety of things that before my journey began I was unsure would be a good fit for me.

I hope that your journey does the same thing. That is opens a world of possibilities that may as close as your own front yard.  That is motivates others to find what makes them happy and pursue those things and who knows along the way you just might learn something about yourself and your world at large.

Until next time blog buddies. Stay safe, stay sane and be happy.

Mastering New Skills

Those who read my blog know that I have saved and researched until I could afford and finally made a decision regarding my new camera. It is one of the many passions I am following in my new journey to find my bliss. 

Today I went outside and started doing some serious shots.  I wanted to try and capture some of the beautiful world around me, in its uncut unedited form.  I spent the morning sitting and watching nature in all its beauty as it surrounded me.  Watching as our chickens pecked at the bugs and the wild birds as they fed from our bird feeder.

I just took a moment to actually enjoy our overcast cold day with a hot cup of coffee and my camera.  I got some amazing shots that I am really proud of and wanted to share with those who read my blog or who are following it. Showing you how far I have come in a very short period of time. 

I am still learning what all the different adjustments do on the camera and what it is capable of. It took me almost 12 hours just to figure out the video portion of it but now am experimenting with homemade filters and film speed, which on my new camera is adjustable.

When you find something that makes you happy whether you are good at it or not you should do it. Now I have shot probably around 400 pictures with my new camera since Friday.  And not all of them have been incredible shots, many were blurry and some were just badly composed. Some showed far more of my real life than I care to show the world at large, but I am still enjoying the process.  When I get a good shot with it I feel like I am on cloud nine and often tag family and friends in them on facebook and proudly show them publicly to the world.

I know a lot of people would tell me not to do that, that I am encouraging others to steal my work by not protecting it with some kind of trademark stamp or at least my name. But in this era of digital photography there are so many different programs readily available online to remove such things, that to me it would be a waste of my time to actually put them on my pictures.

I myself have taken pictures from a friends wedding and removed things in the pictures that distracted from the happy couple so I know if I can do it others can do it as well.  But I am finding such joy reconnecting with my creative side I really do not care. If someone wants to borrow, share, or even steal my pictures go right ahead. I have the originals with the time stamp to prove they are mine. As well as really not caring about such trivial bs. 

When you find something that makes you happy do it, share it with the world.  Encourage others to do the same because no matter how miserable I may feel or how dreary my day. I can pick up my camera and suddenly the day is a just a little bit brighter.  Will I ever do anything more than just take pictures for myself, doubtful.  I am enjoying the journey.  Where it leads me is a whole different subject.  I just know that had I not followed my bliss I would be missing out on so many beautiful things the world has to show me.

I wouldn't be able to look back on my pictures and say I took that, or I remember that moment.  Or that was the day this happened.  Life is funny in it throws us all some curve balls, but I believe people who actually take the time to enjoy it live longer, are healthier and find far less faults in others because they are so busy living their own lives they don't have time to stress over the fact their neighbor didn't take out their garbage before the service ran and now it is sitting on the curb for a week.  Or that their beloved husband forgot an anniversary, or that their kids said they prefer someone else's mom because she makes homemade cookies instead of store bought.

Life is what you make of it. It can be a beautiful journey or it can be a miserable existence.  Only you can decide what paths in life you take and how you respond to something that has happened. At least by following my bliss I have been able to find things that bring me joy and when I am feeling down I find solace in those things to help bring me back to center and ground me in the here and now.

Every moment of my life isn't roses and sunshine, bad things happen.  I have days when I drag myself out of bed and say do I really have to do this again today.  I have moments when I feel like I am beating my head against a brick wall and all I am getting for my troubles is a headache and some chips missing from the brick wall. (I am very hard headed you know). 

But by following my bliss where ever it may take me I feel like I will find a part of myself that I didn't know existed, or perhaps I did know but it was so buried under the bs of my day to day life I just didn't pay any attention to it.  All I know if I am happy.  I am happy because I choose to be happy, I am happy because I want to be happy, and I am happy because I am allowing myself the freedom to be happy.

Now I know this didn't happen overnight and that it won't stay around if I don't continue to pursue it.  I know that it like anything else must be fed and given attention or it will wander away never to heard or seen again.  But I am willing to make that commitment to myself.  To take just a little bit of every day and do something I don't care if it is tending to my plants or playing with my dogs, or taking shots with my camera to do something for me. 

I give so much of myself to those I love and care for, I feel I deserve something that is mine.  I plaster on that smile and pretend to be happy with people that some days I just really wish would take a rolling leap under an oncoming bus because I take that time for myself.  I am able to drag my sorry butt out of bed every morning because I know that no matter what at least a few moments of my day will be spent doing something I enjoy doing or working towards a goal that will make me happy.  I do it for my own sanity and mental well being.

I hope my words today have given you some food for thought. I hope that you are already planning out your bliss and what it would take to make you feel complete and whole.  I hope that you are taking active steps to follow your own bliss and enjoying tagging along on my journey to find mine. 

Until my next post stay safe, stay sane, and be happy.

Now for some of the incredible shots I have gotten while following my bliss with my new camera.

One of my beautiful well mannered pit bulls with our mustang horse Lucky

One of our vicious farm kitties letting me know he is not happy about all the picture taking

A beautiful nature shot taken right outside my window

A shot of one of roosters, this is Spock, he isn't very pretty in the face but he is a very friendly and loving rooster.

New growth on my Don Juan rose bush it is going to be truly magnificent this year.

One of my vicious pit bulls posing for an Easter photograph with one of our bunnies

Just a handful of the photographs I have taken with my new camera and the many happy memories that come with them.