Respect yourself enough to follow your bliss

We as a society often judge those who do not make the same kind of decisions regarding their lives that we as individuals deem "normal".  For everyone "normal" is something different. For one person normal may be marrying someone of the opposite gender and having a family.  Being a stay at home Mom and a Dad who provides for the family and a white picket fence and 2.5 children.

For others it may be being with the person of your dreams, choosing not to have a two legged family (aka human children) and living in a uber apartment with fine art and traveling.  For another it may be living your life as a single.  Different strokes for different folks. Just because everyone around you has chosen a particular life style it doesn't mean you have to choose the same life.  You may want something completely different in order to live a life that makes you happy.

I often hear from others that this person is weird or strange because their "norm" is different than another persons "norm".  And as a society we often judge others because they don't conform to what our personal ideals are. This could be a religious difference, a difference in partner choices, or even simply a difference in marital status.  The list is endless.

I am telling you here and now that there is no "Normal".  It is a fallacy created by our society to get you to do whatever the particular group of individuals you hang with wants you to do.  If everyone is getting married and you are standing on the sidelines single and happy. They will often see you as a threat because the world is filled with sheeple.  That is those who cannot or will not think for themselves.  They are often threatened by the lone wolf who follows their own dreams and path in this world.  Not allowing the decisions of others to dictate your actions is a sign of intelligence.  It is also a symptom of independence.

Now if you are happy with the idea of the opposite sex partner and the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids awesome, follow that dream. But if you are not do not do what makes others happy, do what makes you happy.  For every ying there is a yang.  So somewhere out there is probably someone who can relate to your reasons for preferring the child free life, or even embrace you for your differences and not feel the need to judge you simply because you don't conform to their ideal of "normal".

Following your bliss also means making a life you want to live.  It isn't just pursuing the interest that makes you happy.  It is also about choosing your own path in life and embracing what ever that path may hold for you.  Be that a partner of the same gender, a partner of the opposite gender, or even no partner at all.  Life is to short to be miserable.  If people cannot accept you and love you for who you are truly are deep down in your heart then they do not deserve to be amongst those you have within your inner circle.

Life can be hard and at times we all search for that perfect group of individuals to surround ourselves with.  But if you have to pretend to be something you aren't then why are you struggling so hard to be something you are not.  You cannot find happiness if you are living a lie. I have written before on to thy own self be true.  This blog goes hand in hand with that.  We must learn to look within ourselves and see the real us.  The person behind the mask we slap on every morning and tell the world this is me like it or lump it, regardless I am who I am.

This means that you don't have to pretend to be happy if you just aint happy.  That you don't have to pretend to be overjoyed at something when you don't understand it.  You don't have to pretend to be interested in something that is just so incredibly boring to you that you want to take a nap every time the subject matter comes up.  Now this doesn't mean you can be rude and blow off those who don't appreciate the real you, it simply means that you accept that they will never understand completely your life choices and that they may or may not ever come to terms with your life choices and that is ok.  That life will continue on and that the sun will rise tomorrow.

When my children were younger I had a friend who learned his child was gay.  At first he was in shock and disbelief that any product of his loins could be gay.  He went through all the same emotions as a parent who had just lost a child.  Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and then finally acceptance of the fact that his child would never be the image he had in his head of what his child should be.  He even went so far as to say that they would never find happiness because they would never get married or have a family.

It took many years for this individual to come to terms with their child's sexuality.  And I am happy to report that almost a decade later his child is living the life she choose and is now in a committed relationship with another woman and they have a family of their own.  He learned with time and love and that regardless of the life choices his child made, it was still his child.  He learned that at times you won't agree with the choices of those you love but as a caring loving adult you have two choices.  You can either accept them for who they are, or you can run the risk of losing them forever.  He chose to learn to accept that his child was different than the image he had in his head of what he wanted for her as an adult.

If those around you don't support your life choices then it may just be a sign from the universe it is time to enlarge that circle of friends that you surround yourself with.  If they are making choices that you feel the need to try and sway them from or convince them that they are wrong it may just be a sign from the universe that it is time for you to either broaden your own horizons or perhaps just live and let live.

We live in a very straight laced society.  And people are often judged by how they look, or what they drive, or what they do for a living.  Some judge others because they have tattoos or piercings.  Until  you actually get to know someone, really know them, not just that surface hi and bye and you pass in the hallway you don't understand the challenges that they face or the life path that may have had a controlling hand in the choices they have made.  Perhaps to them those tattoos and piercings are an expression of their own individuality.  Perhaps those are markers of milestones of their life.  You don't know until you either ask or they volunteer that information.  You cannot judge others if you do not wish to be judged.

We all have hidden characteristics that we don't share with the general public.  Most of us do not parade around our inner most secrets on display and allow the world to see them, because no one wants to be judged.  But if you are lucky enough to have a few close friends and loved ones who you can be what you are warts and all you are a very lucky person indeed.  Many times people go through their entire lives living a lie.  I have known people who are "weird" by cultural standards but hide it so well to meet them you would never know.  But behind closed doors they let their freaky flags fly high.  Or they are alone and can only do those those freaky things in their head for fear that someone might find out, that they like wearing women's clothing (male friends) or that they like being in control (both male and female). Or that they have some secret fantasy of being a singer in a band or some other slightly off the wall but no less important to them dream.

Terrified of ever following their dreams or pursuing their bliss because of what people might say or think.  I am a very open accepting person.  I know things that would make you go "you are making that up about some folks" but I don't judge and people often feel secure in letting me into those dark corners of their mind and hearts because they know their secrets are safe with me.  I won't judge them or ridicule them because I know we all have a freaky side.  It might be something as simple as a guilty indulgence of  a quart of rocky road icecream and their favorite chick flick on the nights that their husband is far from home when they are health freak the rest of the time.  Or it might be as crazy as they like to dress in drag and compete in some local competition on drag night. I don't care as long as it isn't hurting someone what is the harm in it.

Love those in your life and those who cannot accept you for exactly who you are then limit their exposure to your life. They may in time come to appreciate your differences, in time they may not. Either way their judgement of you will not affect how you feel about yourself unless you let it. No one can control how you feel about yourself unless you let them.  You are in control of your own destiny and only you can choose the path you choose to walk.

You have to live and let live. Learn to embrace differences in others and learn not to judge simply because someone else has a different viewpoint on the world.  As long as their freakyness isn't hurting anyone or anything what is the harm in it.  By being the person you want in your life you will often attract those who won't judge you or try to force you to be something you aren't.  Live your life on your own terms and be true to yourself.  Learn to embrace those differences and learn from them.  In both yourself and others.  The only thing this world is really short on is love.  We create war over religious differences, we cast away people who could help us grow and evolve into the people we were born to be simply because they have a different view of the world.

By learning to accept others we can also learn to accept our own "weird" ways and embrace who we truly are.  We can learn that although we may not be just like our siblings or our friends we are no less important in the over all scheme of things.  The world thrives on diversity.  If it didn't you wouldn't have near as many choices when it comes time to enjoy fine dining.  Just like not everybody appreciates sushi, not everybody appreciates hamburgers or pizza.  We are all different and those differences make us what we are, a unique individual with our qualities and faults and everybody has their own demons to face and conquer.

I hope my blog today gave you some food for thought.  I hope it helped some who are going through hard times to realize that regardless of how "weird" they may feel that in reality we are all a little "weird" from time to time and that is ok.  That no one is going to escape this life without a little turbulence but it isn't the flight that matters, only that we touch down safe and sound and happy at the end of our journey.

Until tomorrow blog buddies, stay safe, stay sane, and be happy.