Finding your happy place even during emotionally Hard Times
Sometimes a little rain must fall into every life. You lose a job, you lose a partner, you may even lose a friend. These are the times that following your bliss is so much more important. That small glimmer of hope that life continues on and that you will be happy again is what gets us through those hard times.
We have all spent nights crying ourselves to sleep because what we thought would never happen, happens. The loss of a parent or the loss of a loved one rocks our world and makes us stop everything. Suddenly the world we know has spun off it access and we are left floating through space with no idea how to get back to where we want to be.
Our world crumbles and we are emotionally drained and financially stressed. Be that due to a lack of a second paycheck or due to medical bills or worse yet burial expenses. We aren't sure how we are going to put food on our table and a roof over our head and yet we must continue on. Something I have learned in my many decades on this planet is the sun will always rise regardless if we want it to or not.
That is when following your bliss is so much more important in your life. During those times of emotional upheaval and the death and destruction of dreams of our future, we need to have something to hold firm to and continue to believe in. Something that will remind us that life continues on and the as people continue to have value. That regardless if the loss of a loved one occurs we have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and continue to find joy in things that surround us.
I know at times it is difficult to see the silver lining to the rain clouds that surround us. That we just want to climb into bed pull the covers over our head and pretend that it is all a bad dream. That we aren't really going through whatever crisis has befallen our lives and that we will wake up from this bad dream.
They say there levels and steps to mourning. Be that the lose of a job or a loved one. That at first we are in denial, that we refuse to believe that this is happening. Once our minds catch up with our reality, then the anger begins to settle in. We rail out at the things that caused our loss. My stupid boss had no idea what I could do for this company. Why did God take them, they were to young and had so much more life to give. I cannot believe that they let something this minor destroy our friendship I thought it was strong enough to weather any storm.
The next step in mourning is bargaining. If you will bring them back I promise I will be a better person, I promise that I will never take them for granted or ignore them again. If my boss calls and wants to ask me back I will be the absolute best employee that company has ever had. I will work 40+ hours per week and never complain again about having to work weekends and late nights.
The next step in mourning is Depression. We find ourselves unable to do the things that need to be done. We make excuses or lose track of time. We over indulge in activities that we know are not good for us such as food or alcohol or we go to the other extreme and don't eat at all. We cannot sleep we cannot eat, we cannot continue on in life as we knew it simply because that aspect of our life has changed.
The final step of mourning is Acceptance. We find ourselves finally coming to terms with the loss and begin to move forward. We aren't happy in this new life we have been thrust into and often find our mind racing back to happier times when we would actually enjoy our jobs or thinking back over those happy moments with that person who is gone. But we are finally learning to accept it and it no longer rules our emotions and our actions.
During these times it is often most difficult to find anything that brings us joy and although these are the steps to mourning they are not always experienced in the order in which they are listed nor do they follow any set schedule. You may find yourself jumping first to one emotion and then the next within mere moments of each other. Striking out in anger at those closest to you and the next crying hysterically and begging God for another chance to make it right. It may take years and sometimes even longer depending on the length of time someone was in your life, or how long you may have worked at a particular job. These are all normal emotions and with time it will get easier but those scars and disappointments you will carry with you the rest of your life. There is no escaping that fact.
The trick is to take those scars and make them art or to find some way to channel that energy into something productive for both yourself and your life. Finding a way to work through those emotions and allow your heart and mind to heal. Allowing your heart to love again, allowing your abilities to shine through again, and I am a very big believer that nothing in this life happens without a reason. The reason may not be evident to you right this second but it doesn't mean that it isn't there.
Often times we lose a job in order for an opening to occur in our life and for us to find a better one, one in which our untapped talents can be explored and developed. We might lose a friend because at that point in time we are on different pages in life. Sometimes those freindships fall back together sometimes they don't. It all depends on the individuals involved. Sometimes we lose a loved one so that we can learn the importance of appreciating the people in our lives and learn to actually treasure the moments we have with them. I know if you are going through a difficult time these are only words to you. I have been there myself and know how much it hurts and how much we all hate having those feelings and those very confusing emotions ruling our lives.
When my Dad died I ran the whole course many times. At first in denial, making his final arrangements and making sure that everything that had to be done was taken care of. My heart had not caught up with my emotions until his wake, at which I got very drunk and left early to lay in bed and cry. Then I began the bargaining process of maybe this was a really bad dream, one that I would wake up from and hear his laughter and his silly jokes again.
Many days I would go back into denial, many days I would experience more than one of these emotions at the same time. Angry at God for taking him so young, but then in denial that he was gone. I would find myself picking up the phone to call him and share my news only to realize this was no longer a possibility.
I found myself crying over stupid stuff. A long time friend drug me out of my home during my healing process to go grocery store shopping. Now this may sound like a great idea but I broke down hysterically in the middle of the grocery store over cornbread. I had promised to make him white beans and cornbread before he died if he would just take the medicine the doctors gave him and please eat something. He was drinking meals on the go since his stomach could no longer handle real food. She simply wrapped her arms around me and let me cry it out. I know we probably looked like two very foolish old women standing in the middle of our local Foodlion crying our eyes out mine for my loss and hers for the pain her friend was experiencing. But sometimes that is what it takes to get through those hard times. Just the presence of a dear friend who understands your pain and is there for you no matter what.
I found myself falling into a major depression. I took time off from school to help have the time and the energy to lick my wounds and process my grief. Looking back maybe the best thing I could have done for myself maybe the worst. It gave me entirely to much time to think and sit and not have that deadline looming over my head. Sometimes the best thing we can do is forge forward, through the pain. Find things that bring us joy and cling to those things like a life preserver. I threw myself into finding out why my Dad died, investigating Cancer and what causes it and why it was so aggressive in his case. He was healthy, fell ill and couldn't shake it. We all thought it was the flu or a cold saw several doctors who all diagnosed him differently. One this week another a week later and the final a few days before he died.
I found myself turning inward and taking a long hard look at my own lifestyle and the choices I made. My Dad was counting down the days until he was old enough to retire. He didn't have a huge retirement coming but was excited at the idea of having the time to do the many things he had put off his entire life because he was working hard to provide for his family. He was 18 months from retirement when he passed.
I processed my grief like eating a meal I didn't enjoy. One small bite at a time. First dealing with his estate and medical bills, then I dealt with family and coworkers. Finding strength where I could and muddling through where I couldn't. I found joy any place I could find it. Snuggled in my favorite blanket escaping into a good book. At times allowing myself to cry and admitting to myself more than anyone that I was human and humans feel pain. I also tried to make sure that I surrounded myself with joy. I took the time to enjoy the beautiful sunset, or my favorite meal. Trying to force feed myself some of the sweeter things life had to offer along with the bitter I had to swallow.
When your world is falling down around your ears you will learn a very important life lesson. The only think that is certain in this life is you. You can be surrounded by those who care and those who want only the best for you but at the end of the day when the lights go down and you crawl into bed the only person you are guaranteed to be there is you. Others may come and go in your life and although it is great to have a support system to help pick you up when you fall, you must be strong enough to both ask for that help as well as accept it. If you cannot find that inner strength then all is lost.
This is where your bliss comes into play. You can find a way in that crazy time when you feel as though you are on autopilot to follow that bliss. Mine was writing. I did some of my most amazing writing during that period of my life. No one will ever read what I wrote but as I read back over the pages I can feel the pain that was burning in my heart and my soul. I revisit it on occasion to remind myself that regardless of what may happen I am strong enough to survive anything that life throws at me. In 18 months I lost my Dad and two grandmothers who I thought I would never lose. And standing on this side of those losses I am once again standing tall and proud. I may have had days that I crawled my way through the broken glass that was my life but I made it through bloody knees and all.
I took my happiness where I could get it and I learned to trust in those around me as well as in myself. I am stronger for having survived it. I had lost friends along my life path, sometimes those who were closest to me. But the loss of my Dad was the straw that broke the camels back. He wasn't just my parental unit he was my friend, he was my mentor, he was my hero. I will always appreciate the time we were given and I will always try to live a life he would be proud of me for living. But I cannot live my life for someone else. I have to live it for me. I have to be true to myself, and follow the path of life that I am destined to follow. Be that alone or with someone else. I cannot stick my head in the sand and pretend that I feel no pain or that things don't bother me.
But at the same time I cannot allow that pain to dictate what I do and how I live my life. I continue on, every day climbing out of bed putting one foot in front of another and walking the path I was born to live. On days I may stumble or even fall, but I pick myself up dust myself off and continue on. I know that someday we will be together again in a place that there is no suffering and that there is no pain. But until that day I must continue to take one breath at a time one moment at a time and continue to pursue my dreams and goals.
When I walk across the stage to get my degree my father will be with me. He may be gone in body but his spirit lives on in me and in the faces of my children and grandchildren. My Dad died with very specific instructions on how everything should be handled after his passing and made me promise him that I would finish my degree no matter what. He only had a High School diploma and it was very important to him that I get my college degree. He called it an investment in myself. And so as I walk across that stage to accept the diploma I have worked so hard to earn he will walk with me and I know that where ever he is that he will be proud of me.
I have probably revealed way to much about my personal life in the blog today. But I have several friends who are going through some very hard times right now. I just want them to know that life does continue on, that although we love and we lose and may fall down along the way that there are people who are out there to help pick them up and continue the journey with them. That regardless of how much it may hurt right this moment that it will get better and it will get easier but it will take time.
I hope my blog has given some of my readers food for thought. Time is fleeting and it isn't something we are given an unlimited amount of. A decade can fly by in the blink of an eye and once it is gone you can never get it back. Don't waste a second of this precious life chasing things that don't exist or put off following your own happiness for any reason. It is better to live a remarkable life than to have a 100 years of nothing special.
Until Tomorrow Blog Buddies, stay safe, stay sane, and stay happy.
Showing posts with label mental. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
To Thy Own Self Be True
Sometimes we all lie to ourselves. We figure if we keep our heads down and our mouths shut that the things we deserve will come to us. That if we follow the rules and do as we are told that Happiness will magically fall into our laps and our dreams and goals will become our reality. This isn't the way life works.
Life is hard, it has up days and down days. Sometimes you are enjoying the sunshine and flowers and the next you may be going through the storms and sitting in the dark because the power has been turned off or gone out. But the most important thing you can do is to be honest with yourself first and foremost.
If you aren't happy at your job unless a miracle happens that aint gonna change. If you are in a relationship that doesn't stimulate you and make you grow as a person then why are you wasting your time and your energy. I am not saying that every job and every relationship doesn't have its dark times. We all have those moments we would like to shove our bosses off the top of our building or superglue him to his chair so he will shut up and let us do our jobs. And those days that you dream of tying your spouse to the bed and putting a ball gag in his mouth so he just cannot ruin our mood. But all in all you have to weigh the pros and cons of any and all relationships to decide if this is where you truly need to be.
Does it make you happy? That isn't a 24/7 but do the good days outweigh the bad. Does it help us grow and evolve into the people we were born to be, or does it hold us back and keep us boxed in a tiny little container we will never escape from? Do you feel as though you are making a difference. That might be in the lives of your children, your co-workers, the people you provide a service or product for, or even just you immediate family? If you cannot honestly answer yes to at least 2 of these 3 questions you make want to take a harder look at your life and decide if you have outgrown your current circumstances and it might be time for a change.
You don't have to quit that job, you could start researching about switching departments or progressing up the food chain at work. You might try a different location or even a whole new job classification. In today's economy a good job is hard to find and one that pays you well but drives you to an early grave may or may not be a priority in your life. I try to make up a list of pros and cons and why I am staying and what would change if I leave list. This helps me see things clearer than just living in that moment. If you find yourself struggling to get out of bed in the mornings because you hate your job that much, it may be time for a change. If you like what you are doing but really hate your boss you may try to transfer to working under someone who doesn't sap your creative spirit as badly. If you cannot transfer to another department then you might have to consider start shopping around for another location to work doing the same job but with the possibility of future growth.
I don't recommend job hopping, it looks bad on a resume and it also lets employers know you aren't in it for the long haul, but always ask during the interview process what chance of promotion, additional training, or growth is there in any job. Even a fry cook can dream of being a kitchen manager. It is far better to know these things going into a job and refuse the offer than to work somewhere for a few months discover they omitted to tell you that you were hiring into a dead end job that you would be making the same widgets for the rest of your life. Never learning a new skill, never growing into your potential, never knowing what untapped skills you may have just laying beneath the surface that an employer could utilize.
If it is a relationship, people grow and change at different rates. Have you ever had a relationship that you were in for an extended period of time and after a while decided for whatever reason to get out of and then you meet that person in a local store, or on the street and realize they are the exact same person you left a decade earlier. That had you stayed with them you never would have pursued those dreams and goals that have made you so happy and done those things that while being with them seemed so out of reach.
Sometimes we have to make changes in our lives to make our lives better. Not all relationships end because of violence, or cheating, or any other reason that people use to terminate a relationship. Sometimes they end simply because as a person you outgrew them. Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged when both parties are willing to grow and learn together. Get your partner involved in following your bliss, ask them to tag along to a class, or an activity that interest you. Ask them about the things they would like to try or experience. We all have a bucket list. A list of things we would like to do before we die. Your partners may just surprise you, it not only gives you a chance to grow as a person but it also gives you a chance to experience some things you may not have thought about on your own. And you never know you might actually learn something about your partner you didn't already know.
If your partner says there is nothing wrong with your lives together and there is nothing new that they want to try you may want to take a long hard look at your relationship and see if perhaps it may be time for a change of scenery. I am not a fan of divorce nor am I a fan of starting over in a new relationship. Dating sucks, having to find a way to meet people and do things with those you don't know or trust truly sucks. But sometimes it is the easier of the two evils when it comes to staying in a dead end relationship.
And I will give you a heads up, once you leave high school it gets very difficult to meet new people, unless you are like me and talk to trees. I will talk to anyone anytime for any reason, and have been accused of talking to trees if they will stand still long enough. But a common complaint amongst my single friends are, "Where do you Meet People?". I meet them everywhere. While I am pumping my gas I talk the person across the island from me. When I am standing in line I talk to the people both in front and in back of me. When I am waiting in a doctors office, a mechanic shop, or a dentist office I talk to others who are sitting and waiting with me. You just never know when you might meet that person who will change your life for the better. Well that and the fact that I work from home, most of my conversations are with dogs (And yes some days they answer back). And I crave human interaction with those who may bring new ideas and new thoughts to the table.
I thrive on diversity, I love learning about new cultures and always welcome new and challenging ideas, but that is just me. That is why I try hard to encourage feedback from my readers. I love reading comments even negative ones as long as it starts a a dialog with others. As long as the comments are respectful and a sharing of an opinion I am good with it. Now if you start slamming someone or saying you are so full of crap I will delete your comment and ignore all from that point on. Sometimes on my facebook I even delete folks who are rude or insensitive to others. My facebook wall my rules respect always even if you don't agree.
But I think there is entirely to much violence and disrespect in the world. I think as a society we are losing our ability to communicate in a civilized manner with those we don't know or don't see on a daily basis or who have a different view on the world, and most don't realize that every word you put on the internet regardless of the setting can and will be found by someone who is making a judgement call regarding your ability to do a job, handle a financial loan, or even applying for college. Keep your words soft and sweet because you never know when you may have to eat them. Is a favorite expression of my husbands. He knows that words can cause as much damage as physical blows and at times silence is the best policy, at least in our household.
You need to take a long hard look at every aspect of your life if you are going to follow your bliss. You cannot spend 5 minutes a day being happy if the rest of your life is in the crapper. That other 23 hours and 55 minutes will outweigh that 5 minutes and make it appear mute in the bigger scheme of things. Taking steps to discover yourself is great, but if all you are going to do is research it and not do anything with it, why waste your time. Roll back over and continue your life as a sleepwalker, you are not ready for the changes it will require to find your own personal bliss.
You don't have to take major steps every day. One little thing can often times turn into a new journey. Sometimes it is the journey of self exploration that helps you discover the path you are meant to be on. Sometimes it is learning to give to yourself the way you give to others that helps you realize what is wrong with your life and how to fix it. Sometimes it is just realizing you have been sleepwalking through life and merely existing that makes you realize you have already lost 10, 20 sometimes 30 years of your life doing the bidding of others and you wake up one morning and realize that you are no longer a spring chicken and you have nothing to show for all those years of playing by the rules and being what others expect you to be.
I think this often happens to people in their 40's and 50's. I think that is why it is called a mid life crisis. You wake up one morning while sipping your coffee and realize that several decades have gone by and you only have a few more left in the work force and suddenly you begin to question am I really happy or I merely existing. I know in my 20's I was so busy trying to fit in and do what was expected of me I didn't have time to worry about if I was happy. When I hit my 30's I discovered a new sense of confidence I hadn't know when I was younger and suddenly I realized that time was passing and I wasn't really happy. Yes I had moments, and some great memories but happiness was an ideal I just didn't understand. When I hit my 40's things started to click. I realized that soon my kids would be gone and I would on my own for the first time in my adult life. I had no one to blame for being miserable other than my own life choices and my own decisions.
I began to dread the whole empty nest syndrome that so many women experience when major life changes occur. Children grow up and move on with their lives spouses leave or die and suddenly you find yourself with to many hours in the day and not enough to fill them. Many women turn to charity work as I did. Finding some happiness in helping others. But that is a short lived happiness because when doing charity there are 100 sad stories for every 1 happy ending. There are so many you cannot help and so many who are beyond your help, and some who just refuse to help themselves. So you cannot find your peace and happiness in that alone.
Now I do find great joy in the work I do. I find those happy moments that keep me motivated and those breakthroughs that to others may seem mundane or to little to count. But to me every single one of them is a small miracle and a confirmation that I am on the right path. Every time something happens I celebrate it, it may not be a huge party with 100 of my closest friends but I might splurg and buy myself a cup of my favorite coffee, or a little trinket I have been putting off for a special occasion, or even just a pat on my own back for recognition of a job well done. That keeps me going during those dark days when I question why I am doing this.
But I want more. I am no longer satisfied just helping others, I want to help myself. I want to find that long lasting happiness that can only come from a life well lived. I want to be able to go to my grave and know that I lived life to the fullest, not just in sporadic moments. I want to be able to know that I took that walk on the wild side and did something so totally out of character for me that those around me wondered if I had lost my mind. Just because I can.
I don't want to be defined by my job title or my life title (life title: mother, daughter, sister, friend, rescue worker, etc...). I want to be me, the most honest me I can be. I want to be happy not just in my job but also in my life. I want to follow my dreams and my goals and see how far I can travel down those roads.
I love writing, that is why I am doing this blog. And why I have done several blogs over the years ranging in subject matter of dog training, advice from the Crone (Creative Researcher of New Experiences) and even matters of the heart and bedroom. I have not continued on any of those because that was not my bliss. It was fun but after a while it became more of a chore than a joy to do.
Sometimes you just have to have a sit down with yourself and if something is no longer working adjust it, recycle it, or walk away from it. I think it makes those in my life a little nervous that I have the capability of doing that because I do walk away from things that don't make me happy and I do not look back and wonder if I made the right choice. I made the right choice for me at the time and 2 years from now I may be a completely different person and that situation may be perfect for me, but if at the time it didn't work and it didn't make me happy, and I couldn't adjust it to make me happy then it was time to leave it. And if 2 years from now it makes me happy I may revisit it but things are never the same the second time around. People change, circumstances change, and we change. So be warned, although I try hard not to burn my bridges I do know that what I am leaving behind will never ever be the exact same with someone else or at somewhere else. You cannot love two people the exact same way, that is the wonderful thing about love and happiness, it is every evolving and ever changing.
So to thy own self be True. Never allow the moment to define or change you. Before making any life altering life choices take a long hard look at the situation. Once gone it can never be reclaimed. Once changed you will never have the same mind set or the same outlook no matter how hard you may try to get back to where you were. You can only move forward and hope for the best. I try hard to prepare for the worst, hope for the best and accept what comes with dignity and respect. But that is just me.
I hope my blog today gave you all some food for thought. I know many of you are sitting there going, she is nuts and has no idea what she is talking about. That is fine too. Different strokes for different folks. What may work for me may not work for you and I don't expect it to. But this is my way of remembering my journey and the gamete of emotions I went through during it. It is my way of looking back and going Oh so that is why I made that life altering choice. Or WTH was I thinking moments are lessened.
Until Tomorrow blog buddies, Stay safe, stay sane, and be happy.
Sometimes we all lie to ourselves. We figure if we keep our heads down and our mouths shut that the things we deserve will come to us. That if we follow the rules and do as we are told that Happiness will magically fall into our laps and our dreams and goals will become our reality. This isn't the way life works.
Life is hard, it has up days and down days. Sometimes you are enjoying the sunshine and flowers and the next you may be going through the storms and sitting in the dark because the power has been turned off or gone out. But the most important thing you can do is to be honest with yourself first and foremost.
If you aren't happy at your job unless a miracle happens that aint gonna change. If you are in a relationship that doesn't stimulate you and make you grow as a person then why are you wasting your time and your energy. I am not saying that every job and every relationship doesn't have its dark times. We all have those moments we would like to shove our bosses off the top of our building or superglue him to his chair so he will shut up and let us do our jobs. And those days that you dream of tying your spouse to the bed and putting a ball gag in his mouth so he just cannot ruin our mood. But all in all you have to weigh the pros and cons of any and all relationships to decide if this is where you truly need to be.
Does it make you happy? That isn't a 24/7 but do the good days outweigh the bad. Does it help us grow and evolve into the people we were born to be, or does it hold us back and keep us boxed in a tiny little container we will never escape from? Do you feel as though you are making a difference. That might be in the lives of your children, your co-workers, the people you provide a service or product for, or even just you immediate family? If you cannot honestly answer yes to at least 2 of these 3 questions you make want to take a harder look at your life and decide if you have outgrown your current circumstances and it might be time for a change.
You don't have to quit that job, you could start researching about switching departments or progressing up the food chain at work. You might try a different location or even a whole new job classification. In today's economy a good job is hard to find and one that pays you well but drives you to an early grave may or may not be a priority in your life. I try to make up a list of pros and cons and why I am staying and what would change if I leave list. This helps me see things clearer than just living in that moment. If you find yourself struggling to get out of bed in the mornings because you hate your job that much, it may be time for a change. If you like what you are doing but really hate your boss you may try to transfer to working under someone who doesn't sap your creative spirit as badly. If you cannot transfer to another department then you might have to consider start shopping around for another location to work doing the same job but with the possibility of future growth.
I don't recommend job hopping, it looks bad on a resume and it also lets employers know you aren't in it for the long haul, but always ask during the interview process what chance of promotion, additional training, or growth is there in any job. Even a fry cook can dream of being a kitchen manager. It is far better to know these things going into a job and refuse the offer than to work somewhere for a few months discover they omitted to tell you that you were hiring into a dead end job that you would be making the same widgets for the rest of your life. Never learning a new skill, never growing into your potential, never knowing what untapped skills you may have just laying beneath the surface that an employer could utilize.
If it is a relationship, people grow and change at different rates. Have you ever had a relationship that you were in for an extended period of time and after a while decided for whatever reason to get out of and then you meet that person in a local store, or on the street and realize they are the exact same person you left a decade earlier. That had you stayed with them you never would have pursued those dreams and goals that have made you so happy and done those things that while being with them seemed so out of reach.
Sometimes we have to make changes in our lives to make our lives better. Not all relationships end because of violence, or cheating, or any other reason that people use to terminate a relationship. Sometimes they end simply because as a person you outgrew them. Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged when both parties are willing to grow and learn together. Get your partner involved in following your bliss, ask them to tag along to a class, or an activity that interest you. Ask them about the things they would like to try or experience. We all have a bucket list. A list of things we would like to do before we die. Your partners may just surprise you, it not only gives you a chance to grow as a person but it also gives you a chance to experience some things you may not have thought about on your own. And you never know you might actually learn something about your partner you didn't already know.
If your partner says there is nothing wrong with your lives together and there is nothing new that they want to try you may want to take a long hard look at your relationship and see if perhaps it may be time for a change of scenery. I am not a fan of divorce nor am I a fan of starting over in a new relationship. Dating sucks, having to find a way to meet people and do things with those you don't know or trust truly sucks. But sometimes it is the easier of the two evils when it comes to staying in a dead end relationship.
And I will give you a heads up, once you leave high school it gets very difficult to meet new people, unless you are like me and talk to trees. I will talk to anyone anytime for any reason, and have been accused of talking to trees if they will stand still long enough. But a common complaint amongst my single friends are, "Where do you Meet People?". I meet them everywhere. While I am pumping my gas I talk the person across the island from me. When I am standing in line I talk to the people both in front and in back of me. When I am waiting in a doctors office, a mechanic shop, or a dentist office I talk to others who are sitting and waiting with me. You just never know when you might meet that person who will change your life for the better. Well that and the fact that I work from home, most of my conversations are with dogs (And yes some days they answer back). And I crave human interaction with those who may bring new ideas and new thoughts to the table.
I thrive on diversity, I love learning about new cultures and always welcome new and challenging ideas, but that is just me. That is why I try hard to encourage feedback from my readers. I love reading comments even negative ones as long as it starts a a dialog with others. As long as the comments are respectful and a sharing of an opinion I am good with it. Now if you start slamming someone or saying you are so full of crap I will delete your comment and ignore all from that point on. Sometimes on my facebook I even delete folks who are rude or insensitive to others. My facebook wall my rules respect always even if you don't agree.
But I think there is entirely to much violence and disrespect in the world. I think as a society we are losing our ability to communicate in a civilized manner with those we don't know or don't see on a daily basis or who have a different view on the world, and most don't realize that every word you put on the internet regardless of the setting can and will be found by someone who is making a judgement call regarding your ability to do a job, handle a financial loan, or even applying for college. Keep your words soft and sweet because you never know when you may have to eat them. Is a favorite expression of my husbands. He knows that words can cause as much damage as physical blows and at times silence is the best policy, at least in our household.
You need to take a long hard look at every aspect of your life if you are going to follow your bliss. You cannot spend 5 minutes a day being happy if the rest of your life is in the crapper. That other 23 hours and 55 minutes will outweigh that 5 minutes and make it appear mute in the bigger scheme of things. Taking steps to discover yourself is great, but if all you are going to do is research it and not do anything with it, why waste your time. Roll back over and continue your life as a sleepwalker, you are not ready for the changes it will require to find your own personal bliss.
You don't have to take major steps every day. One little thing can often times turn into a new journey. Sometimes it is the journey of self exploration that helps you discover the path you are meant to be on. Sometimes it is learning to give to yourself the way you give to others that helps you realize what is wrong with your life and how to fix it. Sometimes it is just realizing you have been sleepwalking through life and merely existing that makes you realize you have already lost 10, 20 sometimes 30 years of your life doing the bidding of others and you wake up one morning and realize that you are no longer a spring chicken and you have nothing to show for all those years of playing by the rules and being what others expect you to be.
I think this often happens to people in their 40's and 50's. I think that is why it is called a mid life crisis. You wake up one morning while sipping your coffee and realize that several decades have gone by and you only have a few more left in the work force and suddenly you begin to question am I really happy or I merely existing. I know in my 20's I was so busy trying to fit in and do what was expected of me I didn't have time to worry about if I was happy. When I hit my 30's I discovered a new sense of confidence I hadn't know when I was younger and suddenly I realized that time was passing and I wasn't really happy. Yes I had moments, and some great memories but happiness was an ideal I just didn't understand. When I hit my 40's things started to click. I realized that soon my kids would be gone and I would on my own for the first time in my adult life. I had no one to blame for being miserable other than my own life choices and my own decisions.
I began to dread the whole empty nest syndrome that so many women experience when major life changes occur. Children grow up and move on with their lives spouses leave or die and suddenly you find yourself with to many hours in the day and not enough to fill them. Many women turn to charity work as I did. Finding some happiness in helping others. But that is a short lived happiness because when doing charity there are 100 sad stories for every 1 happy ending. There are so many you cannot help and so many who are beyond your help, and some who just refuse to help themselves. So you cannot find your peace and happiness in that alone.
Now I do find great joy in the work I do. I find those happy moments that keep me motivated and those breakthroughs that to others may seem mundane or to little to count. But to me every single one of them is a small miracle and a confirmation that I am on the right path. Every time something happens I celebrate it, it may not be a huge party with 100 of my closest friends but I might splurg and buy myself a cup of my favorite coffee, or a little trinket I have been putting off for a special occasion, or even just a pat on my own back for recognition of a job well done. That keeps me going during those dark days when I question why I am doing this.
But I want more. I am no longer satisfied just helping others, I want to help myself. I want to find that long lasting happiness that can only come from a life well lived. I want to be able to go to my grave and know that I lived life to the fullest, not just in sporadic moments. I want to be able to know that I took that walk on the wild side and did something so totally out of character for me that those around me wondered if I had lost my mind. Just because I can.
I don't want to be defined by my job title or my life title (life title: mother, daughter, sister, friend, rescue worker, etc...). I want to be me, the most honest me I can be. I want to be happy not just in my job but also in my life. I want to follow my dreams and my goals and see how far I can travel down those roads.
I love writing, that is why I am doing this blog. And why I have done several blogs over the years ranging in subject matter of dog training, advice from the Crone (Creative Researcher of New Experiences) and even matters of the heart and bedroom. I have not continued on any of those because that was not my bliss. It was fun but after a while it became more of a chore than a joy to do.
Sometimes you just have to have a sit down with yourself and if something is no longer working adjust it, recycle it, or walk away from it. I think it makes those in my life a little nervous that I have the capability of doing that because I do walk away from things that don't make me happy and I do not look back and wonder if I made the right choice. I made the right choice for me at the time and 2 years from now I may be a completely different person and that situation may be perfect for me, but if at the time it didn't work and it didn't make me happy, and I couldn't adjust it to make me happy then it was time to leave it. And if 2 years from now it makes me happy I may revisit it but things are never the same the second time around. People change, circumstances change, and we change. So be warned, although I try hard not to burn my bridges I do know that what I am leaving behind will never ever be the exact same with someone else or at somewhere else. You cannot love two people the exact same way, that is the wonderful thing about love and happiness, it is every evolving and ever changing.
So to thy own self be True. Never allow the moment to define or change you. Before making any life altering life choices take a long hard look at the situation. Once gone it can never be reclaimed. Once changed you will never have the same mind set or the same outlook no matter how hard you may try to get back to where you were. You can only move forward and hope for the best. I try hard to prepare for the worst, hope for the best and accept what comes with dignity and respect. But that is just me.
I hope my blog today gave you all some food for thought. I know many of you are sitting there going, she is nuts and has no idea what she is talking about. That is fine too. Different strokes for different folks. What may work for me may not work for you and I don't expect it to. But this is my way of remembering my journey and the gamete of emotions I went through during it. It is my way of looking back and going Oh so that is why I made that life altering choice. Or WTH was I thinking moments are lessened.
Until Tomorrow blog buddies, Stay safe, stay sane, and be happy.
I find a lot of inspiration in music. When I am blue it can lift my spirits, when I am angry it can help me exercise my inner demons. It can motivate me to try harder and be stronger and to be who I was born to be. Love Mary J. Blige many of her songs touch my heart in ways that other artist haven't or cannot.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Are you allowing your Anger at Another to rob you of your Bliss?
Have you ever been angry at a loved on or friend. For something truly stupid like a forgotten promise or just feeling overwhelmed because sometimes it feels like you are the only one capable of changing out a toilet roll tube or picking up a towel? That burning in your gut taking over you life and getting in the way of you doing what is making my truly happy.
We have all been there and done that from time to time. Someone we count on or some plans you made that may have been important to you but probably not as important to them slips their mind. Or you find yourself on a completely different wave length and sometimes completely different schedules and suddenly you are facing the big bad world alone. This is why finding your bliss is so important.
By finding what makes you happy and doing what makes you happy you are able to say "It just don't matter that much" and move forward with your life. By allowing your heart and your soul to dwell in that dark place for to long you find yourself being angry and being distracted from what is truly important in your life, being happy. It can disrupt your sleep make you lose your appetite and make things that once made you happy seem dull and drab.
If you let the actions of others rule the state of mind you have in your life you are not truly following your own bliss. If you let those silly things ruin a perfectly good day, or allow the insensitivity of a another ruin what might be the best day of your life, you might be missing out an a chance to have a whole new experience. You spend so much time being angry you miss out on all the wonderful things going on around you. Because you are spending so much energy concentrating on the bad instead of concentrating on the good.
I am an over analytical person from time to time, ok more often than not to be honest. And when a friend stands me up or forgets plans or even makes plans but then doesn't call to let me know those plans have changed I find myself thinking, I guess I am just not as important to that person as they are to me. This is rarely the case, it is usually life got in the way or it slipped their mind, or the time got away from them and they forgot that you had made plans to meet at your favorite restaurant for dinner.
But instead of letting that anger and dark mood cloud you mind and occupy that space in your head, it is time to say you know what I am not going to allow this to rob me of my precious time or my precious happiness. If it is a continual thing you might want to discuss it with that loved one but most of the time it is simply a slip of the mind and not anything that is meant to do you emotional or mental harm.
Instead of dwelling in that dark place go do something. Go take a walk in a safe location and enjoy the scenery, pop a bowl of popcorn and watch your favorite movie. Lose yourself in other activities in order to prevent losing that day in your life. Life is way to short to be miserable and even single day lost is a day you will never get back.
If you do feel the need to discuss this with them, be kind. Remember that to every story there is two sides and perhaps there are extenuating circumstance on their side you are unaware of, such as they may lack the funding to enjoy an evening out or that their bosses made them work late and they couldn't call, or even that things got crazy in their life and they were so busy putting out fires of their own that it completely slipped their minds.
Sometimes life gets in the way of us living a blissful life. It isn't that we don't care about others but the nature of the human beast is when the Boat is sinking we are all looking for a life preserver for our selves first and then those we love second. They even tell you in an airplane that in the event of a water landing to put your own life jacket on before assisting those around you with theirs. You cannot save others if you lose your own life in the process.
So before you allow that vinegar running through your veins to ruin your mood, or you allow the dark side to win yet another battle of your emotions and mind, stop and think. Is it really that important or is it just life getting in the way? Does this bother me enough to actually discuss it with that person and possibly ruin our friendship or is this something I can deal with by myself, perhaps calling a trusted friend and just venting or writing about it in my journal or maybe just saying whatever and moving forward with my life.
Sometimes those closest to us are not going to be all that and a bag of fries. Sometimes they are going to forget our birthdays or anniversaries. Sometimes our happy news to them is going to seem trivial or unimportant and that is ok. No body can be positive or your cheering squad 24/7 we all have times when we need to recharge our own emotional batteries and put our own life jackets on first.
Don't judge those around you harshly or cut all ties simply because what is important to you isn't as important to them. Understand that different life experiences and different values often times lead to different reactions to different events in our lives. If one woman finds out she is pregnant she may be overjoyed, another may be figuring in her head how she is going to manage to afford another child, and yet another may be reserved and waiting if they have lost a child or two in the past. Everyone is different and everyone responds differently to different scenarios.
News that you may be overjoyed with or an activity that you may be eagerly awaiting to occur may just not carry the same kind of happiness with it for another that it may carry for you. Try to remember this when sharing your news or counting on others to find your bliss. Worst case scenario I always try to keep my kindle in my purse. If a friend stands me up for dinner I go ahead and enjoy my meal out and just read or interact with those in the restaurant. You can often sit in the bar at the bar and find yourself meeting all kinds of new and interesting people. If it is news and a friend doesn't express the same kind of joy and excitement that you feel remember that something may be going on in their lives that may not allow them to see how important this is to you and how truly happy you are to be able to share it with them.
Never allow the actions of others to rob you of your bliss. It just helps you learn that following your bliss and controlling your own world is all that much more important. Tell someone else, include someone else, or just find a way to celebrate it by yourself. You cannot love another until you learn to truly love and appreciate yourself first.
I hope my words today have given you some food for thought. I hope that if you find yourself angry at a loved one you remember that life continues on and that although we are angry right this moment, it doesn't last. That everyone has those days and you are not alone in it. Just try to be positive, try to refocus your energy, try to remain calm and in time everything works out the way it is meant to work out. Maybe not the way we planned it or the way we dreamed of it, but it always works itself out.
Until Tomorrow blog buddies. Be safe, be sane, and be happy.
Have you ever been angry at a loved on or friend. For something truly stupid like a forgotten promise or just feeling overwhelmed because sometimes it feels like you are the only one capable of changing out a toilet roll tube or picking up a towel? That burning in your gut taking over you life and getting in the way of you doing what is making my truly happy.
We have all been there and done that from time to time. Someone we count on or some plans you made that may have been important to you but probably not as important to them slips their mind. Or you find yourself on a completely different wave length and sometimes completely different schedules and suddenly you are facing the big bad world alone. This is why finding your bliss is so important.
By finding what makes you happy and doing what makes you happy you are able to say "It just don't matter that much" and move forward with your life. By allowing your heart and your soul to dwell in that dark place for to long you find yourself being angry and being distracted from what is truly important in your life, being happy. It can disrupt your sleep make you lose your appetite and make things that once made you happy seem dull and drab.
If you let the actions of others rule the state of mind you have in your life you are not truly following your own bliss. If you let those silly things ruin a perfectly good day, or allow the insensitivity of a another ruin what might be the best day of your life, you might be missing out an a chance to have a whole new experience. You spend so much time being angry you miss out on all the wonderful things going on around you. Because you are spending so much energy concentrating on the bad instead of concentrating on the good.
I am an over analytical person from time to time, ok more often than not to be honest. And when a friend stands me up or forgets plans or even makes plans but then doesn't call to let me know those plans have changed I find myself thinking, I guess I am just not as important to that person as they are to me. This is rarely the case, it is usually life got in the way or it slipped their mind, or the time got away from them and they forgot that you had made plans to meet at your favorite restaurant for dinner.
But instead of letting that anger and dark mood cloud you mind and occupy that space in your head, it is time to say you know what I am not going to allow this to rob me of my precious time or my precious happiness. If it is a continual thing you might want to discuss it with that loved one but most of the time it is simply a slip of the mind and not anything that is meant to do you emotional or mental harm.
Instead of dwelling in that dark place go do something. Go take a walk in a safe location and enjoy the scenery, pop a bowl of popcorn and watch your favorite movie. Lose yourself in other activities in order to prevent losing that day in your life. Life is way to short to be miserable and even single day lost is a day you will never get back.
If you do feel the need to discuss this with them, be kind. Remember that to every story there is two sides and perhaps there are extenuating circumstance on their side you are unaware of, such as they may lack the funding to enjoy an evening out or that their bosses made them work late and they couldn't call, or even that things got crazy in their life and they were so busy putting out fires of their own that it completely slipped their minds.
Sometimes life gets in the way of us living a blissful life. It isn't that we don't care about others but the nature of the human beast is when the Boat is sinking we are all looking for a life preserver for our selves first and then those we love second. They even tell you in an airplane that in the event of a water landing to put your own life jacket on before assisting those around you with theirs. You cannot save others if you lose your own life in the process.
So before you allow that vinegar running through your veins to ruin your mood, or you allow the dark side to win yet another battle of your emotions and mind, stop and think. Is it really that important or is it just life getting in the way? Does this bother me enough to actually discuss it with that person and possibly ruin our friendship or is this something I can deal with by myself, perhaps calling a trusted friend and just venting or writing about it in my journal or maybe just saying whatever and moving forward with my life.
Sometimes those closest to us are not going to be all that and a bag of fries. Sometimes they are going to forget our birthdays or anniversaries. Sometimes our happy news to them is going to seem trivial or unimportant and that is ok. No body can be positive or your cheering squad 24/7 we all have times when we need to recharge our own emotional batteries and put our own life jackets on first.
Don't judge those around you harshly or cut all ties simply because what is important to you isn't as important to them. Understand that different life experiences and different values often times lead to different reactions to different events in our lives. If one woman finds out she is pregnant she may be overjoyed, another may be figuring in her head how she is going to manage to afford another child, and yet another may be reserved and waiting if they have lost a child or two in the past. Everyone is different and everyone responds differently to different scenarios.
News that you may be overjoyed with or an activity that you may be eagerly awaiting to occur may just not carry the same kind of happiness with it for another that it may carry for you. Try to remember this when sharing your news or counting on others to find your bliss. Worst case scenario I always try to keep my kindle in my purse. If a friend stands me up for dinner I go ahead and enjoy my meal out and just read or interact with those in the restaurant. You can often sit in the bar at the bar and find yourself meeting all kinds of new and interesting people. If it is news and a friend doesn't express the same kind of joy and excitement that you feel remember that something may be going on in their lives that may not allow them to see how important this is to you and how truly happy you are to be able to share it with them.
Never allow the actions of others to rob you of your bliss. It just helps you learn that following your bliss and controlling your own world is all that much more important. Tell someone else, include someone else, or just find a way to celebrate it by yourself. You cannot love another until you learn to truly love and appreciate yourself first.
I hope my words today have given you some food for thought. I hope that if you find yourself angry at a loved one you remember that life continues on and that although we are angry right this moment, it doesn't last. That everyone has those days and you are not alone in it. Just try to be positive, try to refocus your energy, try to remain calm and in time everything works out the way it is meant to work out. Maybe not the way we planned it or the way we dreamed of it, but it always works itself out.
Until Tomorrow blog buddies. Be safe, be sane, and be happy.
The whole reason for finding your bliss is there is something more, the question is are you going to let the actions of others dictate whether or not you find it. Take control of your life back. Learn to be happy with yourself and the rest will fall into place. Learn to love your own company and no one can make you feel alone.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Happiness is a State of Mind
I have heard it said if you don't mind it don't matter. I think this is true of everything in life. Happiness like Sadness is a state of mind. Some people choose to dwell in that dark place where everything is sad or depressing or saps their mental and emotional energy. Happiness is a choice.
We all have things that make us sad, or angry, or even depressed. We lose friends, we lose jobs, we lose family members, and we lose homes. We lose things that are important to us but I have seen those who are living on the street alone with nothing to their name that they cannot carry that have found a way to be happy.
They may be living out of a shopping cart but they celebrate every victory and for them waking up is a victory. They know a secret to happiness that many long to understand. That material possessions do not make you happy. There is no guarantee in life, there is no rule that says if you get that promotion you have been working for you will finally be happy. If you find that perfect mate you will be happy. If you hit the lottery you will be happy. These are material things and material things can be taken away.
That spouse can stop loving you or die or leave. That job can be lost or cease to exist, that money from the lottery if not well invested can be lost or given away or spent. These are temporary things, they do not last nor will the happiness they bring to your life. Happiness is a state of mind.
I have known many people who have the least amount of material possessions that are blissfully happy, why I have often asked are they so happy when those I know with the most are unhappy ones. The ones with so much more often long for that next bigger better deal. They work day in and day out to achieve this ideal of what makes them happy. The surrender themselves in pursuit of an ideal that does not exist in reality.
They strive to reach a place of true happiness through ownership of possessions instead of taking that long hard look within themselves and find that level of tranquility that is not bought but is earned. Now I am not saying immediately go out and give up all your worldly possessions. Or join a monastery and forsake all material possessions. But I am saying look within your own soul and find that which makes you happy and pursue it.
That may be creating something or doing something that makes you happy. It might be growing as a human being through community involvement or through helping others. It might even be simply finding the calm happy place in your soul through meditation or Yoga and when life throws you a curve ball being able to go there in your mind and refocus you energy and keep that true happiness from slipping away.
There are many ways to find happiness, there as as many ways as there are people who are pursuing it. Talk to those who have found true happiness and find out what path they took to get there. Some of the methods they used may help you find your own, they may not, but if you don't seek happiness you will never find it.
When we are children we are delighted with the simplest joys in life. We often times receive gifts that are elaborate and expensive but find ourselves playing with the cardboard box the gift came in because it is colorful and alights our imagination and becomes a castle or a spaceship or a refrigerator if we enjoy playing cook. Life isn't about having the best of everything, it about making the most of what we have.
I want everyone today to think back to when they were children and those moments of awe and wonder at how incredible our universe is. Take a moment today or this week to just stop and smell the roses. If you live in an area that roses aren't available wander past a bakery and just stop to inhale the divine scents drifting out of the fresh baked goods coming out of the oven. Stop and star up at the stars and try to count them, you will quickly realize that in the bigger scheme of things you are only a microscopic dust particle floating through the air and that no matter what you may achieve in your career and your life someone will come along in a few years and blow those records out of the water.
We cannot find happiness in owning the biggest house, or driving the fastest newest car, or even marrying the most beautiful, intelligent, amazing person. Because in the end those things really don't matter and the happiness they bring into our lives is fleeting when that house burns to the ground or is lost in a natural disaster with all those material possessions inside, or that car is a few years old and scratched and dented and no longer the fastest thing on the road. Or we wake up one day and realize that the perfect spouse is human and has flaws we choose not to see in the beginning. Then suddenly you are in search of the next big thing to bring you happiness.
Instead of searching for something that doesn't exist. Instead of trying to find a temporary happiness in a place true happiness doesn't exist. True happiness exist in your soul. It is the things we all have in our lives or should have in our lives that help us grow and evolve into the people we born to be. It that state of nirvana where no matter what goes wrong we escape to and find ourselves.
Take this journey with me to find that inner strength that fuels your own fire. Find yourself in the process and discover what it takes to be truly happy. Find out what makes you personally happy be that a hobby, a passion, or even just a new life skill. Find out what gives you that one thing that nothing else on this planet can.
Life is filled with potholes, things that shake us to the very core and make us realize that not everything is going to last and that every day will bring with it new challenges and new goals. What may make us happy today may make us sad tomorrow. As humans we are ever changing every growing and ever needing to finding new and exciting ways to stir that inner goddess in us all.
Some people find their true happiness in giving of themselves, in act and thought. If that is your true happiness find a way to channel that energy into constructive ways to make that happen. Some people find their true happiness in creating, be that writing, photography, painting, music, or even sculpture. Then go do that, take a class, hone that skill make things that make you happy and help you express that inner creative genius.
This journey is not for the weak of heart. It is not for those unwilling to actually face those inner demons you find along the way. You may find yourself facing things that you thought had already run their course and were long gone. During this discovery process you may learn that things you had already put behind you rear their ugly heads for you to finally once and for all really put to rest. We can bury our past but we cannot run from it. It will linger in those dark corners of our heart until we finally put them down and walk away from them to never return again. And then at the worst moment they rear their ugly heads again in a new situation and a new life we have created. But if we face those fears and problems head on and deal with them. Allowing our hearts and minds to process the information then we can honestly say that those things are no longer an issue for us. This might include jealousy, or a fear of being alone, or even a fear of disappointing those we love.
Embrace your flaws, we all have them. If you have always had body images take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. You body will change with time and age. The things that you hate right now in 20 or 30 years won't really matter. It won't be in the same place it won't look or feel the same and worst case scenario if you really hate it that much change it. Do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Find that happiness and surround yourself with the things that make you happy. Search inside yourself for what brings you the most happiness today, right this minute. If it changes then evolve with it, change and adapt to keep that true happiness.
If doing something makes you happy today but a year from now no longer stirs those happiness feelings let it go. If it no longer works for you it is the universes way of saying it is time to move on and to try something new. If you find that walking away from it helps and returning to it later helps do it.
In my lifetime I have had many things that made me happy, and for some reason or another I lost my way to that place. I have simply walked away and revisited that place at another time in the future. Photography made me very happy but I got bored with it and walked away from it. I am now finding my way back to it. Not because I have run out of other things that make me happy but I want to re-explore this part of my self and see if I can find the same happiness in that activity that I once did.
Some true happiness survive a lifetime, some are passing fancies. Much like the people in our lives we outgrow or surpass the things that make us happy. Since we are ever changing and evolving sometimes we need to find new things to excite us and sometimes we just need to take a break from the things we once enjoyed so much. Take a vacation of sorts from the things that no longer work for you. If you have always enjoyed painting but are burned out from it walk away. Take a huge box and put those art supplies away in storage. You don't have to get rid of it but sometimes you do need to take a break. In 6 months or a year revisit that place in your life. Are you ready to once again pick up that paint brush and paint with your whole heart, if not consider getting rid of it. Many times things don't wait for us to get back around to them. If we take a break from people they often move forward in their lives and create lives that don't include you. In painting, paints can go bad with time so it is best to release those things back into the universe so that others who need them in their lives right now can take advantage of things we no longer need to make us happy.
Well I hope my words today have given all some food for thought. Some things to consider along their own personal path of finding themselves and their true happiness. I hope that this stirs those feelings in your soul for the things that bring you joy and help you remember that the only person who can truly make you miserable or make you blissfully happy is yourself. You cannot control the actions of others, but you can control your reactions to those actions and how much you allow them to define you is up to you.
I found this website I wanted to share regarding some tips for finding that true happiness. I hope it helps others get some ideas for ways to make their happiness a reality. I hope it stirs within your belly the desire to be happy and to pursue what makes you happy. Where there is a will there is a way. Many times people say I cannot afford to be happy. Being sad or depressed can take a toll as well both mentally and physically. Can you really afford not to be happy? Can you truly spare another year, another day, or even another moment living a life that isn't true or real to your soul?
Being Happy and finding your Bliss
If you cannot afford to purchase the things the items needed to pursue your dreams ask around, check out free sites that often give things away to those who act quickly. Get creative, ask friends, and family members for gifts that will further your dreams of happiness instead of the things you don't want or don't need. Save your pennies until you can afford with that higher goal in mind.
If you want something bad enough you will find a way, if you don't you will eventually get bored and move on with your life. I hope all who are reading my blogs are well and pursing their own happiness. I want to thank everyone who has read my blog, shared my blog or discussed my blog with others. You are the reason I am reaching my dreams and goals. I hope that the tips I have shared today help you find that true happiness we all long for and that they help you get one step closer to finding the real you.
Until Tomorrow blog buddies, be safe, be sane and be happy.
I have heard it said if you don't mind it don't matter. I think this is true of everything in life. Happiness like Sadness is a state of mind. Some people choose to dwell in that dark place where everything is sad or depressing or saps their mental and emotional energy. Happiness is a choice.
We all have things that make us sad, or angry, or even depressed. We lose friends, we lose jobs, we lose family members, and we lose homes. We lose things that are important to us but I have seen those who are living on the street alone with nothing to their name that they cannot carry that have found a way to be happy.
They may be living out of a shopping cart but they celebrate every victory and for them waking up is a victory. They know a secret to happiness that many long to understand. That material possessions do not make you happy. There is no guarantee in life, there is no rule that says if you get that promotion you have been working for you will finally be happy. If you find that perfect mate you will be happy. If you hit the lottery you will be happy. These are material things and material things can be taken away.
That spouse can stop loving you or die or leave. That job can be lost or cease to exist, that money from the lottery if not well invested can be lost or given away or spent. These are temporary things, they do not last nor will the happiness they bring to your life. Happiness is a state of mind.
I have known many people who have the least amount of material possessions that are blissfully happy, why I have often asked are they so happy when those I know with the most are unhappy ones. The ones with so much more often long for that next bigger better deal. They work day in and day out to achieve this ideal of what makes them happy. The surrender themselves in pursuit of an ideal that does not exist in reality.
They strive to reach a place of true happiness through ownership of possessions instead of taking that long hard look within themselves and find that level of tranquility that is not bought but is earned. Now I am not saying immediately go out and give up all your worldly possessions. Or join a monastery and forsake all material possessions. But I am saying look within your own soul and find that which makes you happy and pursue it.
That may be creating something or doing something that makes you happy. It might be growing as a human being through community involvement or through helping others. It might even be simply finding the calm happy place in your soul through meditation or Yoga and when life throws you a curve ball being able to go there in your mind and refocus you energy and keep that true happiness from slipping away.
There are many ways to find happiness, there as as many ways as there are people who are pursuing it. Talk to those who have found true happiness and find out what path they took to get there. Some of the methods they used may help you find your own, they may not, but if you don't seek happiness you will never find it.
When we are children we are delighted with the simplest joys in life. We often times receive gifts that are elaborate and expensive but find ourselves playing with the cardboard box the gift came in because it is colorful and alights our imagination and becomes a castle or a spaceship or a refrigerator if we enjoy playing cook. Life isn't about having the best of everything, it about making the most of what we have.
I want everyone today to think back to when they were children and those moments of awe and wonder at how incredible our universe is. Take a moment today or this week to just stop and smell the roses. If you live in an area that roses aren't available wander past a bakery and just stop to inhale the divine scents drifting out of the fresh baked goods coming out of the oven. Stop and star up at the stars and try to count them, you will quickly realize that in the bigger scheme of things you are only a microscopic dust particle floating through the air and that no matter what you may achieve in your career and your life someone will come along in a few years and blow those records out of the water.
We cannot find happiness in owning the biggest house, or driving the fastest newest car, or even marrying the most beautiful, intelligent, amazing person. Because in the end those things really don't matter and the happiness they bring into our lives is fleeting when that house burns to the ground or is lost in a natural disaster with all those material possessions inside, or that car is a few years old and scratched and dented and no longer the fastest thing on the road. Or we wake up one day and realize that the perfect spouse is human and has flaws we choose not to see in the beginning. Then suddenly you are in search of the next big thing to bring you happiness.
Instead of searching for something that doesn't exist. Instead of trying to find a temporary happiness in a place true happiness doesn't exist. True happiness exist in your soul. It is the things we all have in our lives or should have in our lives that help us grow and evolve into the people we born to be. It that state of nirvana where no matter what goes wrong we escape to and find ourselves.
Take this journey with me to find that inner strength that fuels your own fire. Find yourself in the process and discover what it takes to be truly happy. Find out what makes you personally happy be that a hobby, a passion, or even just a new life skill. Find out what gives you that one thing that nothing else on this planet can.
Life is filled with potholes, things that shake us to the very core and make us realize that not everything is going to last and that every day will bring with it new challenges and new goals. What may make us happy today may make us sad tomorrow. As humans we are ever changing every growing and ever needing to finding new and exciting ways to stir that inner goddess in us all.
Some people find their true happiness in giving of themselves, in act and thought. If that is your true happiness find a way to channel that energy into constructive ways to make that happen. Some people find their true happiness in creating, be that writing, photography, painting, music, or even sculpture. Then go do that, take a class, hone that skill make things that make you happy and help you express that inner creative genius.
This journey is not for the weak of heart. It is not for those unwilling to actually face those inner demons you find along the way. You may find yourself facing things that you thought had already run their course and were long gone. During this discovery process you may learn that things you had already put behind you rear their ugly heads for you to finally once and for all really put to rest. We can bury our past but we cannot run from it. It will linger in those dark corners of our heart until we finally put them down and walk away from them to never return again. And then at the worst moment they rear their ugly heads again in a new situation and a new life we have created. But if we face those fears and problems head on and deal with them. Allowing our hearts and minds to process the information then we can honestly say that those things are no longer an issue for us. This might include jealousy, or a fear of being alone, or even a fear of disappointing those we love.
Embrace your flaws, we all have them. If you have always had body images take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror. You body will change with time and age. The things that you hate right now in 20 or 30 years won't really matter. It won't be in the same place it won't look or feel the same and worst case scenario if you really hate it that much change it. Do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Find that happiness and surround yourself with the things that make you happy. Search inside yourself for what brings you the most happiness today, right this minute. If it changes then evolve with it, change and adapt to keep that true happiness.
If doing something makes you happy today but a year from now no longer stirs those happiness feelings let it go. If it no longer works for you it is the universes way of saying it is time to move on and to try something new. If you find that walking away from it helps and returning to it later helps do it.
In my lifetime I have had many things that made me happy, and for some reason or another I lost my way to that place. I have simply walked away and revisited that place at another time in the future. Photography made me very happy but I got bored with it and walked away from it. I am now finding my way back to it. Not because I have run out of other things that make me happy but I want to re-explore this part of my self and see if I can find the same happiness in that activity that I once did.
Some true happiness survive a lifetime, some are passing fancies. Much like the people in our lives we outgrow or surpass the things that make us happy. Since we are ever changing and evolving sometimes we need to find new things to excite us and sometimes we just need to take a break from the things we once enjoyed so much. Take a vacation of sorts from the things that no longer work for you. If you have always enjoyed painting but are burned out from it walk away. Take a huge box and put those art supplies away in storage. You don't have to get rid of it but sometimes you do need to take a break. In 6 months or a year revisit that place in your life. Are you ready to once again pick up that paint brush and paint with your whole heart, if not consider getting rid of it. Many times things don't wait for us to get back around to them. If we take a break from people they often move forward in their lives and create lives that don't include you. In painting, paints can go bad with time so it is best to release those things back into the universe so that others who need them in their lives right now can take advantage of things we no longer need to make us happy.
Well I hope my words today have given all some food for thought. Some things to consider along their own personal path of finding themselves and their true happiness. I hope that this stirs those feelings in your soul for the things that bring you joy and help you remember that the only person who can truly make you miserable or make you blissfully happy is yourself. You cannot control the actions of others, but you can control your reactions to those actions and how much you allow them to define you is up to you.
I found this website I wanted to share regarding some tips for finding that true happiness. I hope it helps others get some ideas for ways to make their happiness a reality. I hope it stirs within your belly the desire to be happy and to pursue what makes you happy. Where there is a will there is a way. Many times people say I cannot afford to be happy. Being sad or depressed can take a toll as well both mentally and physically. Can you really afford not to be happy? Can you truly spare another year, another day, or even another moment living a life that isn't true or real to your soul?
Being Happy and finding your Bliss
If you cannot afford to purchase the things the items needed to pursue your dreams ask around, check out free sites that often give things away to those who act quickly. Get creative, ask friends, and family members for gifts that will further your dreams of happiness instead of the things you don't want or don't need. Save your pennies until you can afford with that higher goal in mind.
If you want something bad enough you will find a way, if you don't you will eventually get bored and move on with your life. I hope all who are reading my blogs are well and pursing their own happiness. I want to thank everyone who has read my blog, shared my blog or discussed my blog with others. You are the reason I am reaching my dreams and goals. I hope that the tips I have shared today help you find that true happiness we all long for and that they help you get one step closer to finding the real you.
Until Tomorrow blog buddies, be safe, be sane and be happy.
This crossed my desk a few days ago and wanted to share it with you I am including a link to the site this was found on as well for those who want to take a closer look or just examine this further.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
What is true happiness?
True happiness is a state of mind, it isn't the amount of money in your bank account. It isn't landing that perfect job or living in the house of your dreams. True happiness comes from within. In finding your own place in the universe and making your life you own. It also comes from finding your purpose or gift and learning to utilize that skill to find what you seek.
True happiness can be found in the oddest of places. Perhaps it is in volunteering your time to help others, perhaps it is pursuing a dream that you entertained as a young child but due to life's pressures you gave up on. Perhaps it is just being the best you that you can be. Perhaps it is a hodgepodge of all these things combined.
True happiness comes from within. It is a place in your heart and soul that no matter what else is going on on in your life you can escape to and find calmness and contentment. It may spending an hour painting at your easel. Perhaps it is finding time to soak in that hot tub filled with bubbles up to your chin. Perhaps it is losing yourself in a favorite book, allowing your mind to escape and meld with the characters and story line.
True happiness does not come monetary gains, or surrounding yourself with only the best. Many women find temporary happiness in what I like to refer to as retail therapy. This is the uncontrollable urge to shop till you drop. Buying things that may for the moment give you happiness but later make you wonder how you are going to meet that minimum payment on your credit cards next month.
True happiness does not come from something that later down the line is going to make you feel worse than you already do. It isn't about dreaming of that success only to find that once you are there you no longer have time for family and friends. It is about finding that one or two or half a dozen things that bring you inner peace and mental awareness.
Sometimes people think that if they just survive this or they manage to obtain that they will find true happiness. This is a fallacy created by our society to make you work harder, longer hours to obtain a false sense of what you want. It isn't real nor is it truly obtainable. Granted you may get that corner office or actually buy that huge dream house. But then the problems begin. With the corner office comes the stress of having responsibilities, and once you get that huge house then you have to clean it, pay for it, as well as keep it secure. Money does not buy happiness. Things do not buy happiness. Happiness is a state of mind.
Happiness is a state of mind that comes from being happy with who you are. Being true to yourself always and not allowing the actions of others to dictate how you live your life. Sometimes true happiness is found in just finding the time to mentally recharge your batteries, be that on an extended cruise or losing yourself in the moment of pure bliss.
Happiness is different for different people. We all have different things that make us happy, some of this is due to our upbringing, some of this is due to our mental processing of ideas and situations, some of this is due to environment and what we interpret happiness to be. It is time to take a long hard look into your psyche and discover where your happiness lies. It is time to begin the journey of self discovery and find what brings us true joy and happiness.
Never let another tell you that you will be happy if you do this or you obtain that. That is not true. Only you can know for sure exactly where your happiness lies. Only you can know what will flip that inner trigger to allow your mind, body and emotions to unwind, destress, and become whole again. Only you can figure out what you need to do to find your own bliss.
Today is Wednesday and that means that I will be sharing a website that I found very helpful in my own personal journey of self discovery. I read this article and found it to be very insightful for discovering where my inner bliss lay. It helped me refocus my energies and take a long hard look at my own life and what in it made me happy, what in stressed me out, and what about my life worked or didn't work. It is called 7 New Ways to be Happy.
7 New ways to be Happy
Now I am not a huge fan of Oprah, I don't watch her shows or subscribe to her newsletter or even read her magazine but sometimes you can find information in places you rarely visit simply through googling a subject and following the threads to unravel the secrets of life. Some things you find may fit your personal situation and others may not, as I have said many times before everyone is different. But take what you can from those you find that you feel will help you and the things that don't apply either file away for another time or ignore.
I cannot tell you how to find your own personal bliss, I can only share with you things I found useful and hopefully encourage you to find your own true happiness. I hope this blog finds all those who take the time to read it well. I hope that today you do something, although it may be minor but something to either discover your own bliss, or move one step closer to realizing your own bliss. I hope that the new year brings with it the journey of self discovery and the chance to become all that you were born to be. Until Tomorrow, be safe, be sane and be well.
True happiness is a state of mind, it isn't the amount of money in your bank account. It isn't landing that perfect job or living in the house of your dreams. True happiness comes from within. In finding your own place in the universe and making your life you own. It also comes from finding your purpose or gift and learning to utilize that skill to find what you seek.
True happiness can be found in the oddest of places. Perhaps it is in volunteering your time to help others, perhaps it is pursuing a dream that you entertained as a young child but due to life's pressures you gave up on. Perhaps it is just being the best you that you can be. Perhaps it is a hodgepodge of all these things combined.
True happiness comes from within. It is a place in your heart and soul that no matter what else is going on on in your life you can escape to and find calmness and contentment. It may spending an hour painting at your easel. Perhaps it is finding time to soak in that hot tub filled with bubbles up to your chin. Perhaps it is losing yourself in a favorite book, allowing your mind to escape and meld with the characters and story line.
True happiness does not come monetary gains, or surrounding yourself with only the best. Many women find temporary happiness in what I like to refer to as retail therapy. This is the uncontrollable urge to shop till you drop. Buying things that may for the moment give you happiness but later make you wonder how you are going to meet that minimum payment on your credit cards next month.
True happiness does not come from something that later down the line is going to make you feel worse than you already do. It isn't about dreaming of that success only to find that once you are there you no longer have time for family and friends. It is about finding that one or two or half a dozen things that bring you inner peace and mental awareness.
Sometimes people think that if they just survive this or they manage to obtain that they will find true happiness. This is a fallacy created by our society to make you work harder, longer hours to obtain a false sense of what you want. It isn't real nor is it truly obtainable. Granted you may get that corner office or actually buy that huge dream house. But then the problems begin. With the corner office comes the stress of having responsibilities, and once you get that huge house then you have to clean it, pay for it, as well as keep it secure. Money does not buy happiness. Things do not buy happiness. Happiness is a state of mind.
Happiness is a state of mind that comes from being happy with who you are. Being true to yourself always and not allowing the actions of others to dictate how you live your life. Sometimes true happiness is found in just finding the time to mentally recharge your batteries, be that on an extended cruise or losing yourself in the moment of pure bliss.
Happiness is different for different people. We all have different things that make us happy, some of this is due to our upbringing, some of this is due to our mental processing of ideas and situations, some of this is due to environment and what we interpret happiness to be. It is time to take a long hard look into your psyche and discover where your happiness lies. It is time to begin the journey of self discovery and find what brings us true joy and happiness.
Never let another tell you that you will be happy if you do this or you obtain that. That is not true. Only you can know for sure exactly where your happiness lies. Only you can know what will flip that inner trigger to allow your mind, body and emotions to unwind, destress, and become whole again. Only you can figure out what you need to do to find your own bliss.
Today is Wednesday and that means that I will be sharing a website that I found very helpful in my own personal journey of self discovery. I read this article and found it to be very insightful for discovering where my inner bliss lay. It helped me refocus my energies and take a long hard look at my own life and what in it made me happy, what in stressed me out, and what about my life worked or didn't work. It is called 7 New Ways to be Happy.
7 New ways to be Happy
Now I am not a huge fan of Oprah, I don't watch her shows or subscribe to her newsletter or even read her magazine but sometimes you can find information in places you rarely visit simply through googling a subject and following the threads to unravel the secrets of life. Some things you find may fit your personal situation and others may not, as I have said many times before everyone is different. But take what you can from those you find that you feel will help you and the things that don't apply either file away for another time or ignore.
I cannot tell you how to find your own personal bliss, I can only share with you things I found useful and hopefully encourage you to find your own true happiness. I hope this blog finds all those who take the time to read it well. I hope that today you do something, although it may be minor but something to either discover your own bliss, or move one step closer to realizing your own bliss. I hope that the new year brings with it the journey of self discovery and the chance to become all that you were born to be. Until Tomorrow, be safe, be sane and be well.
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