Finding your happy place even during emotionally Hard Times

Sometimes a little rain must fall into every life. You lose a job, you lose a partner, you may even lose a friend. These are the times that following your bliss is so much more important. That small glimmer of hope that life continues on and that you will be happy again is what gets us through those hard times.

We have all spent nights crying ourselves to sleep because what we thought would never happen, happens.  The loss of a parent or the loss of a loved one rocks our world and makes us stop everything. Suddenly the world we know has spun off it access and we are left floating through space with no idea how to get back to where we want to be.

Our world crumbles and we are emotionally drained and financially stressed.  Be that due to a lack of a second paycheck or due to medical bills or worse yet burial expenses.  We aren't sure how we are going to put food on our table and a roof over our head and yet we must continue on. Something I have learned in my many decades on this planet is the sun will always rise regardless if we want it to or not.

That is when following your bliss is so much more important in your life. During those times of emotional upheaval and the death and destruction of dreams of our future, we need to have something to hold firm to and continue to believe in. Something that will remind us that life continues on and the as people continue to have value.  That regardless if the loss of a loved one occurs we have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and continue to find joy in things that surround us.

I know at times it is difficult to see the silver lining to the rain clouds that surround us.  That we just want to climb into bed pull the covers over our head and pretend that it is all a bad dream.  That we aren't really going through whatever crisis has befallen our lives and that we will wake up from this bad dream.

They say there levels and steps to mourning. Be that the lose of a job or a loved one.  That at first we are in denial, that we refuse to believe that this is happening.  Once our minds catch up with our reality, then the anger begins to settle in.  We rail out at the things that caused our loss.  My stupid boss had no idea what I could do for this company.  Why did God take them, they were to young and had so much more life to give.  I cannot believe that they let something this minor destroy our friendship I thought it was strong enough to weather any storm.

The next step in mourning is bargaining.  If you will bring them back I promise I will be a better person, I promise that I will never take them for granted or ignore them again.  If my boss calls and wants to ask me back I will be the absolute best employee that company has ever had. I will work 40+ hours per week and never complain again about having to work weekends and late nights.

The next step in mourning is Depression.  We find ourselves unable to do the things that need to be done. We make excuses or lose track of time.  We over indulge in activities that we know are not good for us such as food or alcohol or we go to the other extreme and don't eat at all.  We cannot sleep we cannot eat, we cannot continue on in life as we knew it simply because that aspect of our life has changed.

The final step of mourning is Acceptance.  We find ourselves finally coming to terms with the loss and begin to move forward.  We aren't happy in this new life we have been thrust into and often find our mind racing back to happier times when we would actually enjoy our jobs or thinking back over those happy moments with that person who is gone.  But we are finally learning to accept it and it no longer rules our emotions and our actions.

During these times it is often most difficult to find anything that brings us joy and although these are the steps to mourning they are not always experienced in the order in which they are listed nor do they follow any set schedule.  You may find yourself jumping first to one emotion and then the next within mere moments of each other.  Striking out in anger at those closest to you and the next crying hysterically and begging God for another chance to make it right.  It may take years and sometimes even longer depending on the length of time someone was in your life, or how long you may have worked at a particular job.  These are all normal emotions and with time it will get easier but those scars and disappointments you will carry with you the rest of your life.  There is no escaping that fact.

The trick is to take those scars and make them art or to find some way to channel that energy into something productive for both yourself and your life.  Finding a way to work through those emotions and allow your heart and mind to heal.  Allowing your heart to love again, allowing your abilities to shine through again, and I am a very big believer that nothing in this life happens without a reason. The reason may not be evident to you right this second but it doesn't mean that it isn't there.

Often times we lose a job in order for an opening to occur in our life and for us to find a better one, one in which our untapped talents can be explored and developed. We might lose a friend because at that point in time we are on different pages in life. Sometimes those freindships fall back together sometimes they don't. It all depends on the individuals involved.  Sometimes we lose a loved one so that we can learn the importance of appreciating the people in our lives and learn to actually treasure the moments we have with them.  I know if you are going through a difficult time these are only words to you.  I have been there myself and know how much it hurts and how much we all hate having those feelings and those very confusing emotions ruling our lives.

When my Dad died I ran the whole course many times. At first in denial, making his final arrangements and making sure that everything that had to be done was taken care of.  My heart had not caught up with my emotions until his wake, at which I got very drunk and left early to lay in bed and cry.  Then I began the bargaining process of maybe this was a really bad dream, one that I would wake up from and hear his laughter and his silly jokes again.

Many days I would go back into denial, many days I would experience more than one of these emotions at the same time. Angry at God for taking him so young, but then in denial that he was gone. I would find myself picking up the phone to call him and share my news only to realize this was no longer a possibility.

I found myself crying over stupid stuff. A long time friend drug me out of my home during my healing process to go grocery store shopping. Now this may sound like a great idea but I broke down hysterically in the middle of the grocery store over cornbread.  I had promised to make him white beans and cornbread before he died if he would just take the medicine the doctors gave him and please eat something. He was drinking meals on the go since his stomach could no longer handle real food.  She simply wrapped her arms around me and let me cry it out. I know we probably looked like two very foolish old women standing in the middle of our local Foodlion crying our eyes out mine for my loss and hers for the pain her friend was experiencing. But sometimes that is what it takes to get through those hard times. Just the presence of a dear friend who understands your pain and is there for you no matter what.

I found myself falling into a major depression. I took time off from school to help have the time and the energy to lick my wounds and process my grief. Looking back maybe the best thing I could have done for myself maybe the worst. It gave me entirely to much time to think and sit and not have that deadline looming over my head. Sometimes the best thing we can do is forge forward, through the pain.  Find things that bring us joy and cling to those things like a life preserver.  I threw myself into finding out why my Dad died, investigating Cancer and what causes it and why it was so aggressive in his case. He was healthy, fell ill and couldn't shake it.  We all thought it was the flu or a cold saw several doctors who all diagnosed him differently. One this week another a week later and the final a few days before he died.

I found myself turning inward and taking a long hard look at my own lifestyle and the choices I made.  My Dad was counting down the days until he was old enough to retire. He didn't have a huge retirement coming but was excited at the idea of having the time to do the many things he had put off his entire life because he was working hard to provide for his family.  He was 18 months from retirement when he passed.

I processed my grief like eating a meal I didn't enjoy. One small bite at a time.  First dealing with his estate and medical bills, then I dealt with family and coworkers. Finding strength where I could and muddling through where I couldn't.  I found joy any place I could find it.  Snuggled in my favorite blanket escaping into a good book. At times allowing myself to cry and admitting to myself more than anyone that I was human and humans feel pain.  I also tried to make sure that I surrounded myself with joy.  I took the time to enjoy the beautiful sunset, or my favorite meal. Trying to force feed myself some of the sweeter things life had to offer along with the bitter I had to swallow.

When your world is falling down around your ears you will learn a very important life lesson.  The only think that is certain in this life is you.  You can be surrounded by those who care and those who want only the best for you but at the end of the day when the lights go down and you crawl into bed the only person you are guaranteed to be there is you.  Others may come and go in your life and although it is great to have a support system to help pick you up when you fall, you must be strong enough to both ask for that help as well as accept it. If you cannot find that inner strength then all is lost.

This is where your bliss comes into play.  You can find a way in that crazy time when you feel as though you are on autopilot to follow that bliss.  Mine was writing.  I did some of my most amazing writing during that period of my life. No one will ever read what I wrote but as I read back over the pages I can feel the pain that was burning in my heart and my soul.  I revisit it on occasion to remind myself that regardless of what may happen I am strong enough to survive anything that life throws at me.  In 18 months I lost my Dad and two grandmothers who I thought I would never lose.  And standing on this side of those losses I am once again standing tall and proud.  I may have had days that I crawled my way through the broken glass that was my life but I made it through bloody knees and all.

I took my happiness where I could get it and I learned to trust in those around me as well as in myself.  I am stronger for having survived it.  I had lost friends along my life path, sometimes those who were closest to me. But the loss of my Dad was the straw that broke the camels back. He wasn't just my parental unit he was my friend, he was my mentor, he was my hero.  I will always appreciate the time we were given and I will always try to live a life he would be proud of me for living.  But I cannot live my life for someone else. I have to live it for me.  I have to be true to myself, and follow the path of life that I am destined to follow. Be that alone or with someone else.  I cannot stick my head in the sand and pretend that I feel no pain or that things don't bother me.

But at the same time I cannot allow that pain to dictate what I do and how I live my life.  I continue on, every day climbing out of bed putting one foot in front of another and walking the path I was born to live.  On days I may stumble or even fall, but I pick myself up dust myself off and continue on.  I know that someday we will be together again in a place that there is no suffering and that there is no pain.  But until that day I must continue to take one breath at a time one moment at a time and continue to pursue my dreams and goals.

When I walk across the stage to get my degree my father will be with me.  He may be gone in body but his spirit lives on in me and in the faces of my children and grandchildren.  My Dad died with very specific instructions on how everything should be handled after his passing and made me promise him that I would finish my degree no matter what.  He only had a High School diploma and it was  very important to him that I get my college degree. He called it an investment in myself.  And so as I walk across that stage to accept the diploma I have worked so hard to earn he will walk with me and I know that where ever he is that he will be proud of me.

I have probably revealed way to much about my personal life in the blog today.  But I have several friends who are going through some very hard times right now.  I just want them to know that life does continue on, that although we love and we lose and may fall down along the way that there are people who are out there to help pick them up and continue the journey with them.  That regardless of how much it may hurt right this moment that it will get better and it will get easier but it will take time.

I hope my blog has given some of my readers food for thought.  Time is fleeting and it isn't something we are given an unlimited amount of.  A decade can fly by in the blink of an eye and once it is gone you can never get it back. Don't waste a second of this precious life chasing things that don't exist or put off following your own happiness for any reason.  It is better to live a remarkable life than to have a 100 years of nothing special.

Until Tomorrow Blog Buddies, stay safe, stay sane, and stay happy.