Babysteps towards the new Me

There has been some pretty major changes in my life of late. I have run out of funding for my education and am having to work through some mental hurdles that have come due to those changes in my life. I made the honor roll for my last in school session, which made me feel a little better about what is going on. But it has left me with no plan and no goal to work towards. I still want to finish my degree but am exploring alternative ways to go about that. I am not very far from having the credits I need to graduate and I plan on utilizing what ever I can to make that happen. But right now am sorting through everything and figure out who I am now and what I want to put as my long term goal.

After my last class I am reanalyzing my goals of being a CPA. I enjoy bookkeeping and financial advising and even taxation and how to advice people to keep the most they can in their pocket and make the most of the money they have coming in, but I do not see myself in a corporate position nor do I desire to have a ordinary run of the mill career. I know this may make it sound like I am unsure of what I do want but sometimes it is much easier to pin point what I don't want than what I do.

I have begun the search for a job that I really want to do. Something to work towards and trying to figure out what steps I need to take to make that dream a reality.  I am enjoying the photography, it helps me to sort things out. I actually took a trip to our local zoo and got some incredible shots of the animals and learned that you don't have to travel to actually photograph more exotic animals.

I have been going through my wardrobe to find out exactly what I have clothing wise, which also helps me sort things out in my head and get my bearings.  I can see where I have been and what I was thinking by looking at some of my clothing choices in the past.  I can remember the things that were important to me last year or before that and know that I am no longer that person.  The ideals and dreams have been stripped away to reveal the bones of my life as it currently is.

As I sort through stack after stack of clothing choices my mind is flooded with memories of wearing this outfit or that to an event shared with my family or for a meeting with those who I once believed held my future in their hands.  I can remember the things that were running through my head and the beliefs I once held firm to.  I can see the changes in my body brought about by healthier eating habits and healthier activities.  I actually walked the entire zoo non stop for 4 hours with a camera bag on my back and never once did I get winded or tired.  That for me is a major accomplishment.  I was so engrossed by what I was doing that I didn't even notice I was wringing wet from the heat and activity, to me it was normal and just part of the experience.

I slowly put each item out for inspecting and trying on. Noticing how clothing that once fit my more rounded figure now hang loose or clothes that once didn't quite look right because of the cut or the style suddenly fit my changing body and mind like a guiding hand helped me choose them.  It is a growing experience long over due.

I have realized that my priorities are also changing and how I feel about some of the people in my life is no longer the same. The core of my world is the same but I now see people with clearer eyes and a more accurate image of them. I understand that we are all human and as such we all make mistakes in the growth process called life.  I understand now that we all have goals and dreams and sometimes those things that are so incredibly important to us means nothing to those around us.  Sometimes we are blessed enough to have people around us who support those dreams and goals and sometimes we aren't.  Depending on the goals and dreams and depending on the people we surround ourselves with.

I have also found that no matter what I am the coordinator of my own destiny and only I can make or break those goals into a reality.  I began this blog as a journal of sorts, a way to track my progress and help me understand where I am and where I am going. To help me help others to be brave and hopefully follow their own bliss into being the people they were born to be.

Be that to take the leap into doing something so totally out of the norm that before they never would have been brave enough to try. Or maybe just to finally let go of their past and begin living for their future.  Either way I help I feel that by doing that I can better help myself and hopefully have a positive impact on my world at large.

I have discovered that although my ideals and dreams are changing, this isn't a bad thing.  That sometimes we think we know exactly where we are headed only to learn that we have taken a turn that lands us in a foreign place and perhaps a better place than we would have ended up at had we stuck to the original game plan.

I am still not 100% sure what I want out of life, but I feel with each passing day I am getting closer and that the choices I have made and the changes I have allowed to occur in my life are for the better.  They have given me a chance to not only get to know myself a little better but to also know those I share my life with a little better as well. I have seen a side of them I would never have seen if I had stuck the main stream ideals I so firmly held to before beginning this journey.

I have seen the changes and thanks to the entries in this blog and the entries in my personal journal I am able to look back and see them more clearly.  I am able to see what is truly important to me and what I need to do to take the next steps to make my life what I want it to be.

I know this may seem like a lot of rambling, and perhaps it is.  But to me it makes perfect sense and hopefully if you are reading this you will gleam something from it that will make you take a closer look at your own life and hopefully make some changes or adjustments for the better.

Change is never easy but at times it is very necessary.  In order to grow as both a person and a human you have to adapt or perish.  You have to master new skills and release old grievances in order to fully live.  You cannot live in the past because is behind you.  You cannot live in the future for it is uncertain. You can only life in the present and take each day as it comes.  But you can plan and dream of what you want and take active steps to make it a reality instead of sitting around waiting for it to come to you.

I still believe that everything happens for a reason and sometimes we just not blessed with enough knowledge to understand why something that feels so incredibly horrible and painful can be beneficial in the long run.  Sometimes change hurts, sometimes it hurts so bad you don't think you will ever get past it or survive it.  But the reality of life is this, life continues on. Days becomes night and months pass far to quickly the older you get and sooner or later you have to stop for a moment and just enjoy the beauty that surrounds us all, I learned that one from the photography.  It has taught me to look closer at situations and to take things for what they are, and at times to change that perspective a little so you can get a clearer picture of what is really going on in your life.

You won't always get what you want, sometimes you will get what you want the least. But eventually situations change, because change is inevitable and you cannot escape it.  People come and go, jobs change and management is replaced with new leadership.  You cannot control every aspect of your life but many things you can change and the first and foremost you have control over is how you react to those changes.

If you need to get mad then get mad, if you need to shed a tear then do so, without the fear that others will think you are weak or that your outburst will be judged by those who love you. We all have bad days even those of us who always do their best to look on the bright side of life.  Know that you are not alone but at the same time you are an individual and that we each have our own dreams and goals.

Never be afraid to follow your dreams, never be afraid to try and make your goals a reality.  Life is way to short to be miserable and if you allow others to keep you from doing what makes you happy you will find yourself regretting listening to someone who wouldn't hesitate to follow their own dreams or do whatever was necessary to make their reality yours.  Never listen to negative people and don't allow their negativity to infringe on your happiness.  Do what makes you happy even if it is only a few moments of your day, or a few hours out of your week.  Take baby steps and learn what you need to do to make your goals your reality.  Take that mountain one step at a time and eventually you will find yourself on top of the world looking back on your path and knowing that although it took you a while to get there that you did it and that nothing is impossible if you believe in yourself.

I hope my blog entry today has given you some food for thought. I hope that it has given you something to think about and that you make just one tiny change in your immediate universe for the better. Do something so not your norm that you experience an emotion or even a thought that you wouldn't had you stayed within the boundaries we all surround ourselves with to give us the impression of being in complete control of our life.

Take a walk on the wild side and live life. I tell people I don't want to arrive at my grave in perfect condition and an orderly fashion I want to slide in sideways screaming "What a ride".  Follow your bliss because it isn't going to magically appear on your doorstep, you gotta go out there do the work and find that very elusive creature.  It exist but will only show itself to those who believe enough in it and who are willing to do the work required to make it a reality.

Until next time blog buddies, stay safe, stay sane and be happy.

This is a video of famous failures that continued to dream and continued to try to make their dreams and goals a reality. I hope it inspires my readers as much as it inspires me.

Releasing your past and embrassing your future

I promised myself to write when there were major changes in my life either physical or emotional.  Today I am going through a major emotional change.  I am learning to let go.  To make room in my life for good things by releasing something that no longer works or makes me happy.  This year is all about growth, about becoming the person I was born to be.

It is a year of growth and new beginnings.  I realized that I have entirely to much emotional attachment to a few material things in my life that although they no longer serve any purpose in my day to day existence they are preventing me from growing and changing because I am still existing in the past through their presence in my life.

I know that some emotional attachment is good, it binds us to the real world and reminds us why we struggle from day to day just to keep a roof over our head and clothes on our back.  But an unrealistic and unhealthy attachment to material possessions can also bind you to a world that no longer exist in your here and now.

Many times we get to attached to things that remind us of a simpler time or happier times with those we love. A favorite shirt or a pair of comfortable shoes.  Using that item to keep those memories alive in our hearts and minds. When it reality those memories would exist even if that material presence was gone.  We should embrace the people we love, not the things that keep those memories foremost in my minds.

As I sat a few days ago going through some old photos I relived those happy memories.  Regretting the loss of many of my photos when my hard drive crashed 2 years ago but also realizing that although those pictures are lost to me, I will always have those memories.  Nothing can take those away memory short of death or memory loss.

My dad always said the part about growing older he never fully understood until he began the process our bodies shut down slowly. First our eyesight isn't what it once was, then our hearing begins to slip and then our memories begin to fade.  He always felt the loss of memories was the greatest loss of all of his possessions. Perhaps that is why I journal so much. So no matter what I can read what I was facing and how I dealt with it.

So today I am facing a demon I have run from in the past in order to make room in my life for the things that will bring me joy and releasing those things that no longer do. Sometimes material things can become a weight around our neck weighing us down and preventing us from growing and changing.  Allowing those things to prevent our growth as people only serves as a disservice to ourselves and those we love. Change isn't easy but is a necessary evil for growth.

So embrace the pain that may come with change. Allow it flow through you and change you. Learn from it and move forward. Don't allow your heart to become so hardened that nothing bothers you or affects you.  But do not dwell in that dark place. Do not allow the pain to make you unfeeling to others or yourself.  What we cannot go around we must go through in order to evolve.

For many years my image of myself has been a phoenix.  From the ashes of its own destruction comes the new bird, ready for flight and ready to live another 1,000 years in glory.  It is often from the ashes of our current life we discover our own future and the path we are born to be upon.  Instead of dwelling in the failures of your life, you should look to the horizon and the better tomorrow just around the corner. 

So today my blog is about growth, changes in our lives that we must make in order to evolve into that phoenix.  Beautiful and renewed and ready to face whatever challenges that may come.  Instead of limiting ourselves to our past, we need to be prepared to do what must be done. To cut ties that bind and to ready our hearts and minds for the bliss that a life well lived promises us. 

Be good to yourself and do not make any changes until you are ready emotionally and mentally for.  Take your time and be patient with yourself but also do not limit your future by the presence of your past.  Learn from your past mistakes and hopefully become a more well rounded and loving person for the life lessons you have faced and survived.  What doesn't kill you will make  you stronger and wiser.

Until next time blog buddies, be safe, stay sane, and follow your bliss.

An interesting article about the phoenix and rising from the ashes of your current existance in order to follow a more harmonious existance. 

http://aflourishinglife.com/2011/01/coping-with-challenging-life-circumstances/

Blissful journeys of self discovery

I have been trying to balance my extremely busy educational life with my family life and my work life along with following my bliss.  At times I often feel as though one or the other is suffering from having to share so much of my attention and so little of my time. I am still learning to balance out what I can do, and what I want to do, and what is actually going to get done.

I am staying current in my class but I often find myself having to stay up late or get up earlier in order to get my assignments completed and turned in before my deadlines.  I do what I can as I can taking time off from work as needed but then feel this overwhelming guilt that I am not getting as much accomplished as I would like to due to my time constraints.

It is spring finally in Tennessee.  Which means I am running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to make sure all the plants I have cared for and watched over during the winter months have what they need and are getting the nutrients and water they need to survive and thrive, which is rather stressful but a necessary evil for raising your own plants. Although the weather has finally broken and I can finally get them into their containers and allow Mother Nature to start helping out.  She can at least water them and by providing the best soil possible they can feed themselves and grow into the plants I have dreamed of.

My house is not getting cleaned as often as I would like but only because on my list of priorities it ranks rather low.  I get it done just not every week and often times when I am expecting company or the dog hair and dander start to cause me health issues.  But this is not something I am stressing over or something that I am losing sleep over.  I have always felt a tidy home is a sign of a lack of interest.  No offense to those who are obsessed with keeping a spotless home, but since mine serves many purposes and I live with a man who dusting is a dirty word.  (In other words I don't enter his man zone area) I often feel like I am trying to wash my car in the rain.

I am playing with my new camera and digital darkroom every chance I get, often making small breaks in my day to capture a beautiful butterfly on film or just taking shots of my amazing surroundings to capture that particular sunny day or incredible site.  I am also learning about all the different ways to utilize my gadget and mastering the art of digital darkroom usage. 

I am also working towards my accreditation with my collegian honor society.  In hopes of furthering my goals of becoming a well employed bookkeeping or accounting professional.  Working towards cleaning up my online presence as well as creating my professional portfolio and updating my networking skills in order to have a foot in the door with the right folks after graduation.  It is a very busy year in my life and one that is going by way to fast.

I have created a website for my photography.  I am enjoying it so much I don't want to miss a single opportunity to grow and learn and hopefully take additional photos to add to my growing collection.  I have had a lot of positive feedback for the photos I have shared and look forward to more recognition for this hobby that brings me so much joy. If you would like to check out my new website for it I will post a link in this blog.

My New Photography Portfolio

Today I watched an incredible speaker with my Honor society, it was by Peter Bregman he is the author of a book entitled 18 minute Find your Focus it is about doing what you are passionate about and following your bliss in business. How many of us get bogged down in the details of living and forget how to live.  How we need to prioritize what is truly important to us so those things get done and if we are going against the grain we will never succeed.

So many things in my life right now are pointing me in a new direction with my life.  I really thought when I began this journey that I had it all pretty much figured out.  Little did I realize that sometimes about the time you think you have found your niche something happens that shakes your world to the core and makes you take a long hard look at what you really want or what would truly make you happy.

I am unsure if this has happened because I am for the first time in my life actually stopping and taking the time to examine my own happiness and what I need to do in order to find my bliss. Or if this is happening because I opened the door to my bliss and decided that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Since my fathers death I have been making some pretty major changes in my life that have been snowballing.  First it was eliminating commercial skin products from  my life. Figured I would start small and go from there. Then it was the food we were eating and the things we were putting into our bodies.

I lost my dad to a rare form of cancer and my eyes were opened to the fact that toxins are all around us but most people either don't want to see or refuse to acknowledge their presence.  And now I am taking the huge leap to stop smoking. That has been a long time battle for me and they say you don't truly stop until you are ready to make the change. I am ready to make the change.  I am getting wiser and healthier with each passing day.

No I am not going to turn this blog into a statement about how our foods are killing our nation. This blog is about my bliss and how my live is evolving into what I really want out of life.  I was simply bringing you up to speed on how things are progressing and the changes being made in my real life. 

I am writing this blog not only to share my journey with others but also to keep a record of my journey for looking back at later.  To better gauge how I was successful and where I failed in my attempts to create the life I want to live.  I am finding myself reading more these days, on a very wide variety of subjects I never would have thought about reading before as well as revisiting many of my old favorites.

I am also learning about my own limitations and strengths.  I am learning ways to overcome what I see as my weaknesses and how to encourage my strengths to compensate for those weaknesses.  It has been an interesting journey to say the least and I can honestly say I am the better for having begun it.

I am not really sure where this blog was headed, I just felt the need to do some writing. Maybe the rainy weather has made me want to escape into my mind since I cannot escape into my garden and yard.  I am unsure but hopefully reading about my journey and the progress and rather unexpected turns and twist it is taking will encourage others to begin their own. You never know where a path will lead until you begin to follow it.  Pursing my own personal bliss has left me feeling a little bit overwhelmed from time to time but at the same time I am filled with a renewed sense of hope and happiness.  It has given me an outlet for my creative nature while helping me keep my feet firmly planted in Mother Earth.  It has given me a chance to grow and stretch and try my wings in a wide variety of things that before my journey began I was unsure would be a good fit for me.

I hope that your journey does the same thing. That is opens a world of possibilities that may as close as your own front yard.  That is motivates others to find what makes them happy and pursue those things and who knows along the way you just might learn something about yourself and your world at large.

Until next time blog buddies. Stay safe, stay sane and be happy.